Je suis malade, Soy enferma, Ich bin krank, I'M SICK

I want so much to say that I'm having a ball down here, but I am so frustrated right now, I don't know where to start.

I can't go into specifics, clearly, as I refuse to be the next WASHINGTONIENNE...

My list of unspecific and potentially exaggerated complaints follows:

1. My throat hurts.
2. My eyes sting.
3. My sinus is suffocating me.
4. My glands are bulbous.
5. My vocabulary is limited.
6. My patience is thin.
7. My intelligence is quesitonable.
8. My sanity is waning.
9. My motivation is lacking.
10. My ears, they're popping.

And she went wee, wee, wee... all the way home...

I think I love making lists.

Diet Coke Count: Out of control, clearly
Coffee Count: ditto
Music: Ashlee Simpson, no apologies
Ebbitt's self imposed hunger strike: I'm over his antics. He went to the vet on Monday, and gained a pound. He's fine. I'm over it.

Working From Home

There are many things that are enjoyable about working from home. Let me list them:

1. Wearing comfy clothes all day long
2. NO SHOES!!
3. Bathroom privledges without the unnecessary anxiety of looking like a girl that "pees too much"
4. Spending all my days with Ebbitt
5. Rolling eyes when having rather unfortunate conversations with Idiots
6. Discussing serious topics via email/phone, while watching MTV on mute
7. Screaming wildly at legislators on CSPAN and CSPAN2
8. Snacking whenever I want to
9. WEST WING on constant rotation (thanks, in large part, to Bravo and Tivo)
10. Wearing high ponytails that my mother would say made me look like a "floosy"

I could go on, but 10 is a good and even number.

There are many things that AREN'T so enjoyable about working from home. Let me list them:

1. Still wearing comfy clothes at noon? one? two? NOT ATTRACTIVE
2. No shoes... means stepping on tacks (possible revenge for a "tacks" incident in my past?)
3. Peeing too much-- what's up with that?
4. Ebbitt learning to roll HIS eyes at ME
5. Getting so involved with eye rolling that I simply can't remember what conversation is about
6. Getting so involved with MTV that I simply can't remember what conversation is about
7. Screaming at legislators-- with no one to tell me I'm weird or overreacting, or to egg me on
8. SNACKING is not good. Ever. Even if it's salad or veggies (too much ruffage)
9. Being able to recite each and every West Wing episode from memory-- that's quite enough of that!
10. The indentations the high ponytails make in my hair... they SO aren't appropriate for Richmond meetings.

So basically, the point is, I eagerly anticipate the day when I won't have to spend so much time indoors.

Oooh, and that reminds me... When a person wants to leave one's home, and go out "into nature" ... do you say:

A) I want to go outside.
or
B) I want to go outdoors.

I say "outside", but some New Englanders have been known to say "outdoors"-- thus my question. "Outdoors" sounds so much more magical... like a faery tale journey... while "outside" reminds me of concrete and traffic.

I think I might not be making sense anymore... but if you follow my rants, do let me know.

Finally, I would like to pay homage to Chester Duer-- Betsy's dear dear dog that was most recently put to sleep. Ches was my friend from 6th grade (1992 ya'll) until our last encounter, when he cheerfully announced my presence when I came to visit Betsy over Christmas. I have delicious memories of chasing him around Stoneleigh when he escaped from the yard, and even better memories of his ability to seek out my stuffed animal at EVERY slumber party. He was a superior dog, a loyal friend, a skilled terrier, and he will be missed... but certainly not forgotten.

d. foley if you're nasty...

To whom do I owe all things sarcastic?
To whom do I credit my sass?
To whom must I thank for my dope-ass beats, my cheese, my fly threads, and my bling-bling?
To whom should I pay thanks for introducing me to the wonders of pop culture?
To whom should I genuflect (down on one knee) to (have I properly used this word) for writing me the best birthday poem EVER?
To whom need I thank for being my klepto-partner-in-crime, GDub style?

I better thank him fast, before he cut me off, li' some scissors.

David Foley, that's who. Te amo, d.Nasty, te amo.

Diet Coke Count: One Big Gulp from 7-11, ya'll
Coffee Count: 2 cups
Music: Fox News Live (sorry kids, but you should try it- it's funny)
Ebbitt's self imposed hunger strike: OVER... the dog ate breakfast (which I hand fed him, of course)

(Insert embarrassed Face Here)

I locked myself (and Ebbitt) out today. We took our normal AM walk, which was far earlier this morning because I went to bed at 10pm because I never have anything to do with my "free time." Suck.

Anyway, by the time the walk has conculded, I realize that I opted to bring my cell phone, and not my keys. Genius.

So I had to wait untnil 9:30 to call John (keeper of spare keys), to see if he would mind bringing my spares over. I didn't want to call too early on a Sunday because that's mean.

Needless to say, Ebbitt got more than his share of walking and I got partial facial paralysis due to waiting outside in cold. I'm now in a bad mood and face a day full of work I really wish I didn't have to do.

I miss friends today.

Diet Coke count: None, nada, sip, zilch, ZERO (be proud)
Cofee count: 7 cups (thereby negating my superior diet coke count)
Music: Angry Females (Fiona, Alanis, etc.)
Ebbitt's self imposed hunger strike: Day 3 (but he will eat treats, so he's not starving... yet)

I'm sorry Jen, I tried!

I was sippin' on some DECAF coffee, blissfully thinking I'd taken an important step towards proper body maintainence, when mi compadre de nueva york, jen, informed me of the following:

advice: it's better to reduce the caffeine than to drink de-caf. coffee is made de-caf using formeldihyde (spelling?), a very nasty chemical.

Ok... so, I heart Jen, I really do... but way to knock a bitch down before she's started! And now I'll never be able to opt for DECAF because, isn't formeldihyde used to, I don't know, preserve dead people? I'll ask Allison-- she knows about dead people and chemicals. I hate science.

Crickie recently told me that hating science was very Republican of me. I tried to unleash the terror on him, but found an unwilling audience. Can't win 'em all.

Anyway, I threw the DECAF away, and plugged away at my regular, and used REAL half and half, and not fat-free half and half, to show that I can make my own decisions (what?).

Diet Coke count: 2 cans
Coffee count: I'm not mentioning it, in protest to recently learned news regarding formeldihyde (spelling?)
Music: Ambulance Ltd
Ebbitt's self imposed hunger strike: day 2

Memory

I drink a lot of diet coke. A lot... A giant, huge, enormous butt load of diet coke. And if it's not diet coke, it's coffee. A lot of coffee. A lot... A giant, huge, enormous butt load of coffee. Tim says that this is why my teeth have started to hurt, and why I constantly have nightmares of my teeth falling out. And he might... M-I-G-H-T... have a point, but Tim is from Maine, so all credibility is moot.

Side Note: I ADORE the new SJP (sarah jessica parker for those that, unfortunately, don't know the wonders of pop culture) commerical for GAP. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. It makes me smile and sing and dance around the room in a way I'd be embarrased for anyone to see. Including Ebbitt- so I make sure to hide from him when dancing/singing. Which is also funny, because Ebbitt is blind. Poor little man. "I enjoy being a... GIRL."-- lovely. I adore it.

Anway-- back to the topic: diet coke and caffeine. I like it.

Ok, see, here's what just happened. I got lost my train of thought on a silly little tangent, and now I don't even remember what I wanted to confess. Argh.

I guess the world must wait until tomorrow. Or later tonight, if I remember what I forgot.

Ebbitt threw up today in my car, and now he and my car smell like vomit. Delish!

This one goes out to one, Timothy Alex Fullerton

I HATE YOU

(Ebbitt might too)

Diet Coke count: It's too embarrasing to admit... suffice to say it's more than a galon and less than a keg full... :(

Dirty Souf Ya'll

Hi Ya'll... MJ is in the dirty south... and it ain't purty. I live each day like a ball of nerves... but it's great fun. Not al ALL like the *old* job...

Actually-- I'm more nervous that I've actually had the *balls* to start showing people my blog. Granted- I never really wrote much before, but now, here I am, hoping that it will be a useful way to document my stay in Richmond and my crazy experiences...

I want you, my close friends, to be able to know what's going on in my world because I'm not really going to have a lot of time to keep in touch. And since I'm quite allergic to answering my phone, well-- this is the next best thing.

Oh god... I am such a tool kit.

I will write more later... but consider this the INAUGURAL BLOG. If it goes over well... I'll consider writing more. If not, I'll delete it forevs, and pretend I have no idea what you are talking about when you ask me about it.

What?

Ebbitt sends his love.

Diet Coke count: 8 and counting (back up off me... it's been a hard day)