Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Wizard of Oz ?

(I literally copied this entry from Feministing... because I wouldn't dare make up something this demented. Which is good, or bad, depending on how you look at things. Regardless, I didn't write this, I'm just passing this along... courtesy of Jen, who sent the link to me in an email titled: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow... in the Land of Abstinence." Classic.)

Get ready to lose your shit.

The Abstinence Clearinghouse is hosting a Leadership Conference in Kansas next week with all of the usual misinformation and scare tactics. But this year is a little different. This year has a theme. Wait for it... The Wizard of Oz.

The movie shows a classic struggle of a lost girl and her misfit friends finding their way, against great odds and in the face of risk to reach their full potential. Many of the scenes and themes in this classic movie can be allegories for today's youth.

Ok, you want a cheesy conference theme? Sure. But the wicked witch of abstinence-only ed, Leslee Unruh, is taking it to the next level.

Just check out some of the panel titles:

If I Only Had a Brain: The Effects of Sex on Brain Physiology

A Horse of a Different Color (This is a group of hip hop dancers. Ahem.)

And my personal favorite: Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead! Which Old Witch? (The "Safe-Sex" Witch)

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Also, there's a jingle. A jingle!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Yuck

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Goodbye, Old Friend

I'm so sad to see you go...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Urine for a treat!

the b-b-b-b-b-b-bladder!

The bladder stores your pee until you're ready to go! Most bladders hold approximately 300-400 milliliters of liquid, about the size of a can and a half of soda. Drink up! When you pee, your brain tells the muscles in your bladder to tighten and squeeze out the urine. In Japanese, the word for bladder, ukibukuro, also means "life buoy!' Let the bladder take out the trash with a lovely golden shower!

(But for the record: My bladder clearly holds more than a can and a half of soda... duh! I mean- come on! Would my diet coke & coffee consumption stand for that kind of nonsense? Didn't think so!)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

have a drink on me!


The Liver

The liver acts as a filter, keeping gross bacteria from the gut from getting into your bloodstream. It also creates and synthesizes substances that maintain balance in the body. He works in detox! Say liver in Japanese: Rebaa!

I'm so obsessed with this new website, I thought I'd share another organ. Adorable!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Clean Your Womb!


clean your womb!

The uterus is the female reproductive organ, which means she helps make and hold new human beings. Cool! The ovaries release eggs, which may or may not be fertilized by an incoming sperm. If there's no sperm, the egg and the uterine lining flush out in the big bloody mess we all know as the period. This is the time of the month when you are extra-nice to your ladyfriends. If the sperm and the egg meet, well, then there's gonna be a kid in nine months with plenty of womb to grow! Uterus in Japanese, shikyuu, also means "four balls" as well as "hit a batter by pitching a ball." Go figure.

this website makes me happy.

(This post goes out, again, to Ox, proud owner of Two Uterii.)

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mis Novios

(Apparently, I have much to say today.)

So, it's come to my attention that I have a variety of boyfriends, and some people (who shall remain nameless), have even gone so far as to suggest I narrow the pool of eligible lifemates down. Riiiiiiiiiight. It's my fantasy and I'll play the game the way I want to play the game. So there.

Anyway, in lieu of Ox's recent CASTING OF FRIENDS exercise, I've decide to do a less exhausting version and give you a glossary of my celebrity boyfriends. Kind of like her Stephanox Association Associates (note to reader: this list, or at least my personal description, was concocted during our senior year of college).

Without further ado, I give you the glossary of my men (in no particular order, 'cept everyone knows that Jason is my favorite, so he gets top billing):

Jason Schwartzman: No explanation needed, but if I must... then it's the eyes! the mole(s)! the baby boy inquisitive look! the band (used to be in) he drummed for! His choice of movies (Rushmore, I Heart Huckabees, ShopGirl, Slackers, etc.) Total package, ladies. Total package.








Zach Braff: Garden State. Enough said... tho I could add "Scrubs."














Ewan McGregor
: Best enjoyed whilst singing in Moulin Rouge. Oh! And naked, too.











Stephen Colbert: He had me on The Daily Show... and now he has me with his "truthiness." Adorable- even if he is a South Carolinian.










Johnny Damon: Ok, fine. So he's a (ick) Yankee (Stankee) now, but back in the day, he was my own... personal... Jesus.







Jason Varitek: Obviously, my favorite catcher is best viewed from behind. While fighting. Naturally.













Josh Lyman/Bradley Whitford: Asshole. Cocky. Self-assured. Political Genius. Anxious. Sleep Deprived. He deserves his adjectives in all CAPS. He deserves me.






Jimmy Smitts: Sexy latino... and the President-Elect. Yes please!












Jake Gyllenhaal: I was the only one on my block that saw Bubble Boy... and then I was one of the first, and only (for a while) to enjoy Donnie Darko. I even enjoyed The Good Girl- despite the horrific Jennifer Aniston... because of Jakey-poo. So when his royal hotness decided to buff it up for Jarhead, I already knew I adored. And I still do.








Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, fine. He's engaged to Maggie... and we all know how I feel about that... but he's still eye candy of the finest variety.








And, well, that's all I can recall... if you think of others, to post a comment and let me know. Gracias.

My boyfriend is funny

No really, he is such a dear. For instance, at the White House Press Dinner:

Part 1



Part 2


Part 3

Grrrrrrrr

My dad's girlfriend/woman friend/soulmate/life partner/woman-of-the-week/etc. recently decided that they could finally get a dog. Which, I might add, my dad has wanted since the get-go. But my dad, a man's man(ish), wanted a lab or some sort of bigger dog. In fact, his only specification was not small and not white. But, this woman (read with disgust), has 4 ugly smelly Siamese cats (really read that with disgust)... so my poor dad was unable to father a dog.

NOW! Suddenly, she's decided that it's ok to get a dog. And so she adopts one. Great.

And it's small.

white.

and it's name... is

Molly.

Ummm, what?