Matilda* and Leo, Sitting in a Tree

One of my good friends Matilda*, one of DC's best and brightest, called me last night to inform me of a rumor like no other. Turns out her hometown in Michigan has quite the rumor spreading like wildfire. It seems as though little Miss Matilda not only lives in NYC (lie #1), but she has be cavorting with celebrities (lie #2). AND, to add a decidedly delicious twist, she recently got so hammered the other night that she BANGED Leonardo di caprio (lie #3).

To get this out of the way: If Matilda WANTED to bang Leo, she certainly could. She's THAT enigmatic and lovely. But that is not the point.

The point is this... Gossip is a glorious thing. It has little to do with reality, but makes for one heck of a story. However, I'd like to mention to creator of said story: If Matilda was going to bang a celebrity, she would certainly aim higher than Leo. I know for a fact she'd settle for nothing less than a Ewan McGregor circa "Moulin Rouge" or perhaps back to "Trainspotting." So get it right next time.

Diet Coke Count: one 7-11 Big Gulp. And it's glorious.
Coffee Count: none. In honor of the new pope (We have a Pope!- proclaimed FOX NEWS), I am repenting for yesterday's sins.
Music: Yo Yo Ma.
Ebbitt's Update: He's getting his hairs cut... ha ha ha. And I'm not.

*Name changed to protect the integrity, reputation, and sanity of those involved.