The Expensive Lesbian

Alright, so the idea isn't totally original, as in, I did not invent it, but hear me out. I AM THE ORIGINAL EXPENSIVE LESBIAN. To get some historical context of that which I mean, please read the passage below:

"Going home for the holidays in college is simultaneously a curse and a blessing. You see, in college you begin to learn that your parents are mostly right about everything they have ever told you. You no longer hate them with the fervor you did in high school. Which is fine, except that now you are wrong more often that ever before. Also, going home for the holidays generally involves several unpleasant conversations about money (you spend too much of it) and boyfriends (you don't have one). Which then leads your parents to believe that you are an expensive lesbian." ~ "Chloe does Yale" by Natalie Krinsky (thanks Pizz for this free-bee book!)

Now, I never promised to only ready upper-brow literature. A girl has to let loose and enjoy life sometimes, you know? Anyway... what an interesting idea. An expensive lesbian. This is me.

Due to a long and consistent distrust of men and distaste for vulnerability, I haven't dated anyone in, oh... 3 years (give or take some days, weeks and/or months and depending on what constitutes "dating") ?!??!?!?!? No wonder my parents are skeptical as to my preferences. And, thanks to Liefeld and Krema, those pictures from ONE NIGHT of my senior year didn't help. And, given my love of quitting jobs without backups in the hopper, or choosing jobs that have ending dates, I have been known to need to occasional injection of cash flow from my parents to pay health insurance. So, yeah, I'm one hell of an expensive lesbian.

So now, when people ask me, "Hey! Have a job yet? Have a boyfriend? Are you looking?"-- I can say, with confidence and gusto: "Naw man, I'm just the original expensive lesbian. That takes up, well, the majority of my time."