The Little RINO that Could

!New Blog!

2007-06-30T19:09:00.001-05:00

So you've probably noticed that I haven't blogged here in a million years. I know at least 2 of you know have noticed (thanks david and colleen!), so without further ado, I present the new blog:

http://mollytics.wordpress.com/

It's nothing to terribly revolutionary, but I needed a new name, and new venue to express my thoughts/opinions/ideas/comments, and, most importantly, a new place to run my mouth. It's tiring to keep it all to myself.

So please, head on over here: http://mollytics.blogspot.com/ and enjoy Mollytics :)

39.3 miles in 2 days?!?!?!?!??

2007-02-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

I wish I could say that you guys have been super patient, but you so haven't! Which, I suppose, is nice because that means you miss reading my silly posts. But patience, my friends, is a virtue. I promise.

In the meantime, I wanted to let you guys know that I am participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer... You've probably already received an email. Anyway, I'm also team captain for team "Pink Is The New Avon Walk" - based, natch, on Trent's Pink is the New Blog (which is one of my favortie pop culture blogs... after Perez Hilton, of course)!

I'm not going to go into details here right now (I'll save that for another post), but I wanted to direct your attention to a few things:

Molly's Fundraising Page: Check here for updates and to donate online :) I'm only 25% of the way there, so I need all the support and help I can get!

Team "Pink Is The New Avon Walk" homepage: Check here for information on our team members and to see how close we are to reaching our goal.

"Pink Is The New Avon Walk" blog: Check here often as the members of our team blog on daily walks, fundraising, training, etc. You can also find links to the walk and our individual fundraising pages.

Enjoy, and stay tuned for more information :)

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2007-02-02T13:50:00.000-05:00

Changes (regarding my blog) are afoot!

Stay tuned... I'm about to rock your world! Ok, that's over-selling it. I don't want to underwhelm. But I am getting ready to make a change, so keep checking back to find out what the new deal is.

Thanks friends.

America's Most Expensive College

2007-01-31T15:27:00.000-05:00

That somewhat dubious distinction goes to local George Washington University. According to The Chronicle of Higher Education and as reported in Forbes magazine, GW has the highest tuition of any college in America. Incoming undergrads can not only expect to learn in the heart of the nation's capital, but they (or, more likely, their parents) can expect to pay a very, very pretty penny to do so. The financial snap shot isn't pretty:

George Washington UniversityWashington, D.C.2006-07
Tuition: $37,820
One-year increase: 4%
Seven-year increase: 58%

The number two school on the list, the University of Richmond, is about a grand less then GW. Also, that's the flat tuition rate and does not include room and board. Which, according to the rates on the web site, can add an additional $8,000-$11,000 to the bill. Now, we're sure GW is a great school, but that's pushing $50,000 a year so your kid can get drunk, pass out and skip class the next day. And, as those of us still paying off our student loans can attest to, you can all that for much cheaper. What do you think? Is GW worth the money? (as posted on dcist)

Wow. Golfclaps to CNevs who attended both University of Richmond AND George Washington University. That won't put you in the hole or anything (I'm here if you need support of the non-monetary kind).

"the morning after" birthday

2007-01-29T21:27:00.000-05:00

AKA "Molly's birthday nightmare"

This weekend was great. I was really pleasantly surprised at how much more fun it was to turn 27 as compared to 26. What a difference a job makes.

Anyway, I will post again on the festivities this weekend, but I just can't wait to post a little something on the surprise I walked into this morning.

My co-workers (slash) friends (slash) pro-choice bitches definitely pulled one over on me by covering - ney, WALLPAPERING - my cubicle with Beyonce pictures. Yes, Beyonce pictures.**

Behold (um, the images are all around)!

** Everyone knows I don't like Beyonce. What everyone doesn't know is that I may or may not have expressed such dislike (whilst drunk at Cafe Saint Ex, mind you) in a not so nice way (for which I have since apologized). I know I'm being vague, but suffice to say- I don't like her, and I made it known. So now, the joke at work is that I like my celebrities, "skinny- so I can idolize them." How embarrassing (for me).

Live, from DC, it's SOTU 2007!!

2007-01-23T21:19:00.000-05:00

I can’t stand it! I tried to live blog during SOTU (State of the Union), but clearly, everyone and their treo were live-blogging for SOTU. At least, everyone in DC.

So this is coming late, and is transferred from a Word document… and you know how I love WORD. Anyway...

9:13 – Ok, so he acknowledged Speaker Pelosi’s gender right off the bat. He’s throwing us a bone. I’ll nod politely at that. (In real life, I got chills. How cool is that! MADAM Speaker!)

9:15 – Bush looks skinnier, no? Why is it I can’t loose weight after a 3-day stomach flu, but Bush peels it off like gang-busters?

9:18 – More enterprise? Like Starship Enterprise? Dude: Republicans heart space.

9:19 – No really, Bush is s-k-i-n-n-y. Dang.

9:19 – Strategic placement of Sen. Clinton behind Sen. Obama. Clinton wins the brighter colored suit contest.

9:20 – CSPAN joke #1. Way to kill ‘em, Bushy!

9:21 – Sen. Kennedy already needs a drink.

(I simply cannot keep this up the entire speech)

9:22 – First mention of “the right to choose!!!” Sadly, it was with regards to education. Abstinence-only education, is my guess.

9:27 – Wondering when he’ll scare me about those terrorists I/We just elected into office?

9:28 – Ah, yes. Illegal immigrants. Now he speaks to me and my people (minus the illegal part).

9:29 - I think Cheney is pissed that Speaker Pelosi keeps standing up. She's making him look lazy. Imagine.

9:30 - And we have "terrorists!" Excellent. Now I can go to bed scared :) Mission Accomplished, Bush Administration!

9:33 - Bush is seriously skinny. I need to move on, but I can't. If the media wants to fixate on what female politicians are wearing, then I will fixate on his weight. It's only fair.

9:36 - More scary stuff... anthrax, London plans blowing up, bombs on the West coast. Sheesh. We get it. We let them win by voting for Democrats.

9:37 - You know, I gotta hand it to Speaker Pelosi. She's so quick to her feet that she's up and down before Cheney can shift his weight from buttock to buttock.

9:38 - More of the same. Everyone hates us, we're all going to die, and soon. Blah blah blah.

9:42 - Sen. McCain has already checked out. He can't wait to go home and watch the new episode of Gilmore Girls.

(9:50 - I think I've checked out)

9:55 - Money for fighting HIV AIDS in Africa: notable, only I'm pretty sure I've contributed more with my purchase of my PRODUCT RED iPod than the Bush Administration has, but whatevs.

9:57 - "Matumbo: Son of the Congo a Citizen of the United States of America." I like that. Friends, please refer to me as "Molly: Daughter of Chile, Citizen of the United States of America."

9:59 - I love the story of Wesley Autrey... kudos to you, sir. People call him a hero, and he throws it back to our troops. (tear #2)

10:03 - End scene.

Thank you, that is all.

Overheard...

2007-01-23T13:57:00.000-05:00

Great post on Thong Speed:

Overheard on Blog for Choice Day

Overheard by NN this afternoon catching a cab from Union Station:

"Why are all the flags at half-mast?"
"Ford. They stay that way for, like, a month."
"Oh. I thought it was for all the dead babies."

Having all these freaks protesting all over town has been a huge pain in the ass. I was stuck in huge traffic jams all day, and I because I couldn't get anywhere close to the Capitol.

Hopefully tomorrow all those snot-nosed brainwashed kids will be rounded up and bussed back to Kansas.

Seriously, don't parents know that kids will sneak around the chaperones and hook up on these overnight trips? Imagine the irony of losing your virginity at a pro-life rally.

why am i pro-choice?

2007-01-22T15:50:00.000-05:00

I'm sick in bed with the stomach flu today... but nothing was going to keep me from participating in blog for choice. Not even projectile vomit. Sorry, TMI.

I'm pro-choice because by being pro-choice, and voting pro-choice, I can be sure that women are are able to choose which reproductive health option is best for them: whether it be motherhood (by adoption or by giving birth), birth control, or abortion. I trust women to make the choice that is best for them. That's the basic root of it all, for me.

I can go on and say that I believe the right to choose what one does with their body is a basic human right. I can go on and say that I don't think anyone, most of all the government (read: a majority of old, white men) should be able to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body. And finally, I can go on and say that no one can know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes until they do- so to tell them what life-changing choice to make is simply wrong.

But really, it's about trust. Trusting women. And that's why I'm pro-choice.

Blog for Choice 2007

2007-01-12T16:54:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with how nicely this button matches my personal blog design. I promise I had nothing to do with it, though.

On January 22nd - the 34th anniversary of Roe v. Wade – NARAL Pro-Choice America is asking pro-choice bloggers to raise the profile of reproductive rights issues in the blogosphere and the media, and to let everyone know that a woman's right to choose is nonnegotiable.

You can sign up for Blog for Choice Day here and download a Blog for Choice Day sidebar graphic (to let your readers know that you're participating) here.

For more information, read the post on BushvChoice, and do have a nice 3-day weekend :)

Faking It

2006-12-21T21:10:00.001-05:00

No joke, if I have to sit here for another hour and "fake work"- I might kill myself. There are really only so many times that a girl can check her bloglines and read WaPo, you know? Dang. I know that sometimes when I'm so weeded, I would pray for downtime like this... but now that I have it, I desperately wish I had something of substance to do. I mean, honestly- this might be the most useless week of work all year. Glad I could contribute.

I'm going to try and post regularly over winter break so that the few of you that read this have something fun to read when you get back to work, but I cannot guarantee anything... Either way, I'll take this opportunity to say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Feliz Navidad, and Happy Hannukah.

(A coworker forwarded me some of these funny pictures, so I thought, in the spirit of the holidays (and boredom), I'd post a few around this lamo-post.)

love,

DietCokeGirl

gratuitous gratuity

2006-12-21T12:09:00.000-05:00

So, as many of you know, we (Charlotte, Lucy, and I) had our First Annual Chrismukkah Party this year on a blistery winter day (December 7th, y'all). It was v. eagerly anticipated (I'm told) because it was the first party of the year for many- and at this point, no one was had reached their fill of holiday cheer.

And it was quite the little fiesta. No joke. I saw lots of friends from all areas of my life (high school, GW, work, campaigns, bloggers, previous jobs) and met even more. I won't bore you with any more details, but I did want to draw your attention to the receipt (see below). Yes, THE RECEIPT. The receipt that gave me nightmares and caused many a sleepless night for Charlotte, Lucy, and me.

You see, we had an idea of what this shindig would cost us, and believe me- $472 bones was NOT it. We decided to put the cost on one credit card and then figure out how much each person owed the next day. Which was a great idea, in theory, except that when I gave MY credit card (which I gladly offered), I failed to remember that I would likely be tres drunk at the end of the night, and therefore ill equipped to decipher a bill. Details- or so I thought.

All I remember is at the end of the night, we were all so happy and so pleased that everyone had so much fun... and then I got the bill, was appalled and shoved it in Lucy's face screaming, "Seriously?!?! Seriously?!?!" all the while laughing and falling off my chair. I quickly calculated an appropriate tip, again thrusted it in Lucy's face screaming "Is this enough??!?? Is this enough?!?!" and then booked it outta there.

(I then proceeded to attempt to walk home b/c I had no money, and wouldn't until midnight (when I got paid)... Literally- I tried to get money out, and the ATM screamed "insufficient funds" at me, so I tried to coax Lucy to wait until midnight when I'd surely have the deposit available. Lucky for me, Lucy threw me a $20 and made me cab it home. But really- that's another story for another time).

It took us three a good many days to pull out the receipt and figure out the damage done. When we did, I realized that I had tipped our waitress (who was a v. v. bad waitress, by the way) $80 MORE than the already included gratuity. What an asshole I am! It still didn't knock the price down much, but holy eff- I wish I could get my money back. (Don't worry- I would never try.)

So that's the story of the gratuitous gratuity. May I NEVER be this gratuitous again.

THE END.

Blessed are the Children

2006-12-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

** Please note the plaque: "Blessed are the Children: Dedicated in the Memory of the Unborn"

(While canvassing the Saturday before the elections, my turf led me to a catholic nursing home (no really, it did). I decided not to canvass them, but when we passed this statue in the parking lot, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to capture this statue. Definitely NOT our target audience.)

Great Op-Ed in Roll Call

2006-12-12T17:36:00.000-05:00

(I agree with all except the Yankees reference... now that was simply not necessary.)

The Year That Was: A Very, Very, Very Weird One in Politics
Roll Call
by Stuart Rothenberg
December 12, 2006

Every so often, we have a very odd political year. The year 2006 was one of them.
Here’s a little test. Which one of the following things did you expect to happen 12 months ago?Please, be honest.

• Democrats would win the Senate;
• Republican Reps. Jim Leach (Iowa), Jeb Bradley (N.H.) and Jim Ryun (Kan.) would lose in the same election in which Republican Reps. Christopher Shays (Conn.), Jim Gerlach (Pa.) and Heather Wilson (N.M.) would win;
• Virginia Sen. George Allen (R) would find out that he’s Jewish;
• A former Prince George’s County executive and five sitting County Council members — all of them Democrats and all of them black — would endorse the Republican Senate candidate in Maryland; or
• Former Virginia Gov. Mark Warner (D) would announce that he would not run for president in 2008.

And for good measure, let’s add another development. How many of you figured that a sitting Senator would lose his bid for renomination and yet win his campaign for re-election? (I’m not even going to factor in the time in February that Vice President Cheney shot his friend in the face or the e-mail scandal of the fall surrounding former Florida Republican Rep. Mark Foley.)

Like I said, it was a very strange year.

The victories of Shays, Gerlach and Wilson, given the Democratic wave that washed over the country and resulted in the defeat of 21 incumbents, still strikes me as incredible. Two of the three were running against the same opponents who almost beat them in 2004, and all three represent precisely the kind of districts likely to swing Democratic in a wave election.

Their victories should prove once and for all that campaigns matter. Sure, district fundamentals are very important, and the national environment explains many of the House outcomes this year. But if Shays, Gerlach and Wilson had not run the types of campaigns they did, each would have lost. Their efforts allowed them to overcome the national trends that sent other Republican candidates down in defeat.

A year ago, we all were talking about the possibility that the 2008 presidential contest could pit two Virginians, Allen and Warner, against each other. (I remember scurrying to the reference books to find out the last time that had happened.) And now, neither man is a candidate for the nation’s top job.

Then there was the fundraising by the Democrats’ campaign committees this cycle, which, frankly, blew my socks off. Both the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee and the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee proved their fundraising mettle, with the DSCC outraising the National Republican Senatorial Committee by more than $30 million, $119 million to $88 million through Nov. 27. Wow.

Thinking back to the beginning of the year, nobody in their right mind, and certainly not the folks over at the DSCC, thought that the Democrats would have a chance to net six Senate seats and win control of the Senate. By the beginning of the year, it seemed certain that Democrats would gain seats, maybe even as many as four or five. But the sixth seat wasn’t even a dream. Waves, though, have a way of changing possibilities, since waves come about only when there is considerable voter frustration and anger.

There is one other way in which I found 2006 strange, politically. Normally, after a party sweeps to victory, its leaders (and its rank-and-file members) say their victory was a ratification of their agenda. But most Democrats have been stunningly and unexpectedly realistic about why they won. Over and over, I’ve heard Democratic elected officials comment that the elections were a referendum on the president and his policies.

“The election was largely a rejection of George Bush. Voters are giving us a chance. Our job is to close the deal,” said a Democratic leader days after the results were in. My goodness, how refreshing! Sure, Democrats have an agenda that many Republicans will disagree with, and Democratic Congressional leaders eventually may drive their bus off the cliff. But so far, Democrats are sounding unusually measured.

And of course we all have our favorite nonpolitical surprises of 2006. Maybe for you it was the break-up of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson or the wholly unimpressive St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series or Google spending more than $1.6 billion to buy YouTube or even Bob Barker announcing his retirement (next year) from “The Price is Right.”

For me, it was the performance of New York Yankees outfielder Bernie Williams hitting a surprising .281 this year and playing his 16th year with the same grace, class and dignity that he had back in the early 1990s.

Just let me marinate

2006-12-08T21:24:00.001-05:00

Last night I hosted a party with Charlotte & Lucy... and I'm pretty sure I can say that it kicked ass. No- I know I can say it kicked ass, because it was my ass that it kicked all morning... afternoon... and evening... which brings me to my thrilling and ever so exciting night of blogging, emailing, and studying. Boo to the hiss on that one.

Anyway... I fully intend to write more about it, but like many other things I fully intend to do but never actually do (read: run a marathon, climb mt. everest, publish poetry), who knows if it will happen. I guess you'll just have to wait and see. For now, just let me marinate.

(my co-hosts look cute, no?)

so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye

2006-12-08T20:49:00.000-05:00

Can I get a what, what?!!?

Well, session is officially over and the Republicans are one step closer to being officially the minority party. I probably won't consider them dunzo until the new class is sworn in.

Did I mention how excited this makes me?

See ya, Frist-baby...

(Photo courtesy of the New York Times)

One by One

2006-12-06T15:43:00.000-05:00

From the UK's Independent:

10 down... 2 to go.

Where's Yours?

2006-12-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

Click it! It's so very clickable.

"Jim Webb Almost Beats Bush Senseless"

2006-11-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think I'm coming around... while not orignially a supporter or Webb, I had to vote for him (yes- I voted in VA!!) because he was not George Allen- a man with whom I have a couple of personal bones to pick. Webb and his women issues didn't really rub me the right way, but now, after reading this post in Wonkette, I'm a solid fan.

The White House invited newly elected Senate and House members to a “private reception” after the election, and George W. Bush really charmed Jim Webb. According to The Hill, Bush asked Webb how his son was doing in Iraq; Jimmy Webb Jr. is serving in the Marine Corps. Senator-elect Webb said he’d like to see his son get home safely. “I didn’t ask you that,” Bush shot back. “I asked how he’s doing.”

Sources tell The Hill that Webb was so furious he could barely keep himself from slugging Dubya in the face, but he bravely made it through the dinner without violence. Webb’s office will only say that he had a “private conversation” with Bush. There’s an even better version from the Washington Post, after the jump.The Post says Webb refused to have his picture taken with Bush and even refused to stand in the receiving line. Here’s the paper’s version of the exchange:

“How’s your boy?” Bush asked, referring to Webb’s son, a Marine serving in Iraq.

“I’d like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President,” Webb responded, echoing a campaign theme.

“That’s not what I asked you,” Bush said. “How’s your boy?”

“That’s between me and my boy, Mr. President,” Webb said coldly, ending the conversation on the State Floor of the East Wing of the White House.

2007 is going to be awesome.

Really, just imagine Reagan’s secretary of the Navy and the new senator from Virginia killing the junior Bush with his own hands. Shakespeare would’ve gone crazy with this kind of material.

Say what you want about her...

2006-11-12T23:42:00.000-05:00

... but the Dems need to give a big ole shout out to Britney Spears for ushering out the bad and bringing in the good; thereby clearing the way for a Democrat House & Senate, y'all!!!

SNL's Amy Poehler payed homage to Brit-Brit's pending divorce this weekend... good stuff!

The Wonkette's Take

2006-11-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

Again- feeling totally unorignal at the moment, but this is 100% how it- in DC at least:

(From the Wonkette)

This was supposed to be National Hangover Day: sleeping till noon, a soothing Mexican breakfast around 3 o’clock, TV on mute, something like Mazzy Star or Thievery Corporation or Miles Davis on the stereo, quiet reading of the morning papers. Instead, it was like having to work the day after Mardi Gras.

I feel so guilty...

2006-11-09T11:12:00.000-05:00

... blogging at work, that is. But my brain is on perma-freeze and I can't handle much more than blog-searching/writing/reading. Luckily, that's 90 percent of what is required of me.

Anyhow, as I work on recounting my week in the burbs o' Philly, I wanted to direct you to my friends at BushvChoice to summarize some of our Election Night activities.

Take it away, girls.

the Cut-and-Run, v4.0

2006-11-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

Rumsfeld resigns.

Is this a dream?

Top Ten

2006-11-08T11:55:00.001-05:00

Seriously you guys... I am running on fumes that I didn't even know I had. I'll update soon on my election activities and adventures (there were many and I promise- they are good), but first I wanted to post a list of TOP TEN THRILLS OF ELECTION NIGHT, courtesy of JW:
1. Spitzer kicking Faso's a**.
2. Deval Patrick kicking Healey's a**.
3. John Sweeney being kicked to the curb.
4. The gay marriage ban being voted against in Arizona.
5. THE SOUTH DAKOTA ABORTION BAN OVERTURNING IN SOUTH DAKOTA!
6. Nancy Johnson going down.
7. Reconsidering WHY I would want to move to California when Ahhhnold has been elected for a second term. Dear Lord.
8. All parental notification ballots being dumped.
9. O'Malley winning for MD and proving to the GOP that Steele's tokenism couldn't make up for his idiocy.
10. Never having to hear Rick Santorum talk about "family values" from the floor of the Senate ever again!!!

I 100% agree. Did this really happen? Did it? Did it really? I'm loving life right now, no matter how exhausted I may be.

saying goodbye to 11 inches

2006-10-28T11:30:00.000-05:00

Holy shit, y'all. I really did it.

My hair is now 11 inches shorter, and though I cannot say that I like the end-result yet... I can say that I feel an overwhelming sense of relief now that it's over.

The lovely people at Oggi (hair salon) were cutting hair for free yesterday, on the condition that you donated a minimum of 10 inches to Locks of Love. And, as most of you know, I planned on donating to this organization once I worked up the nerve... but the nerve never came- until this Friday.

I'm not quite ready to post a picture yet-- call me narcissistic, but my mother always told me: "Your hair is all you have."

Final Installment

2006-10-26T06:39:00.000-05:00

Michael J. Fox, Ben Cardin, and stem cell research

2006-10-25T21:41:00.000-05:00

Click Here to visit Ben Cardin's website.

Click Here to donate to Ben Cardin for U.S. Senate.

The stakes are high, people. Please vote. And vote well.

Beach Weekend

2006-10-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

There a few things in this world that are better than a beach weekend in October... VERY few things. Sometimes, no matter how much I appreciate city-life, it's only when I get to Fenwick Island that I realize how much I appreciate "shell therapy."

Yes kids- this weekend I went to the beach with MS and BD and we had a delicious time. Delicious, in that we pretty much ate our way through the Delmarva coast. It was pretty great.

Other highlights:

Can someone tell me where Bridgeville is? Maryland? Delaware? How about Rt. 16?
Shock trauma helicopter... Exciting, until our tummies grumbled.
What does a person eat for dinner @ 11pm? Burgers, Brie and Tenderloin, por supuesto!
"Shell Therapy": Hits the spot, every time.
The Outlets: Where a girl (or three) can really do some damage.
Three trips to Oby Lee's in two days? Totally normal. Also normal? Discussing potential names for a ficticious coffee-shop/wine bar/bookstore/library.

Some of my unappreciated names:

French Revolution
No Absolutes
Siesta
Bastille Day

Suck This.
"Can I have five cookies please?"
The Godfather. Trilogy.
"I just bought a TV... at Walmart" :(
I can taste the gas. I know it.
Somehow, the Indigo Girls always seem to say it best.

Ahh yes, beaching it is great fun... Especially with great friends. Certainly fun enough for me to forget, almost completely, the subsequent asthma attack and temporary nausea of Saturday night ;) Thanks ladies.

Suggestion #1

2006-10-05T20:40:00.000-05:00

Wow. Don't all of you jump at the same time. Seriously. Any more blog-name suggestions, and I might have to call a moratorium on the request.

Oh wait- just kidding. I've received but one suggestion, albeit an interesting one, but it is my only suggestion. Kids- I expected better from you.

However, in honor of this one sole suggestion- I've decided to try a give it a whirl.

The suggestion was made to write a "DietCokeGirl loves Jen Moseley" post- and that I can do b/c I do, indeed, adore Jen Moseley. Who is Jen Moseley, you ask? Allow me a bit of background (thanks feministing):

Jen (its not short for Jennifer) Moseley, a 27-year-old Philadelphia native, works for NARAL Pro-Choice America in Washington, DC. Prior to joining NARAL Pro-Choice America in 2002, Jen worked at the National Abortion Federation. She has been involved in the Reproductive Rights movement forever, as she was lucky enough to study under the most amazing feminist icon youve never heard of - her mother.

When not enjoying bad horror movies (especially those involving teenagers and the woods), you can find Jen celebrating her favorite holiday: Happy Hour. Jen loves everything blue, and is always on the phone.

Aside from these magical facts (all true), she happens to be a kick-ass co-worker. I know this because sometimes, when she's feeling generous, she lets me follow her around like a lost puppy. She's cool like that. I know I already posted this once, but it bears repeating... behold, young pro-choice activists in action:

Cool, right? I think so.

She's also the newest contributor to one of my favorite blogs: feministing
Example A
Example B

Yeah. Jen rocks. And so, she suggested I let my audience (of 5? maybe 6?) know... And for the record: unless someone actually responds to my inquiry about changing the name of this blog, you're going to be introduced to the wonderful world of Jen Moseley for a good long while. So, you know, do what you gotta do.

That is all.

P.S. iHeart Jen- let's not get confused. But do I need to heart her every day? Likely not. So speak up, blogosphere!

the "POOF"

2006-10-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

I work in an office that's 86% women (I arrived at this percentage as scientifically as the process was for determining that I was part of the 23% of employees-of-color at my job, but that's another discussion for another time).

As part of that 86%, I know that our bathroom can get a bit, erm, comfy. To combat said comfiness, our bathroom is equipped with an air freshener that is either on a timer or senses the need for air freshening and emits a POOF of fragrant freshness. I, personally, prefer to think that it's on a timer because the alternative is too humiliating.

Almost every time I enter the bathroom, I hear it... POOF(!)

um... what are you trying to tell me, bathroom genie?

A Poll

2006-09-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

So, I'm not a Republican anymore (if I ever was)... and I'm not a RINO anymore (if I ever was). Now, armed with that information- do you think I should change the name of my blog, or simply start a new one?

Discuss.

Last Weekend

2006-09-27T17:32:00.000-05:00

Does anyone read this blog anymore? I wouldn't, if I were you, because it's been a big old bitch trying to update as I'd like. I cannot, will not, blog at work- no matter how innocent it is. If you are reading this, then bless you. And I hope to improve as time goes on.

And now for last week's wrap-up:

Friday- After work, went to Baltimore to see CT who was home for a quick shoulder-related visit. Had a great time... stayed up v. late hanging out with CT & friends, had to sleep at CT's b/c I was too drunk to drive home and conveniently passed out on his bed. My favorite part, you ask? Leaving at 7am (with requisite pounding headache) to stagger to my car, only to see CT's dad on the way out. D'oh. He knows his son and I are just friends, but I don't like reminding him that I may/may not be a slut. Super.

Saturday- Moaned, whined, and complained about how sick I felt. Attempted to register my car in DC. Had car FAIL DC inspection. SWEET. Then, at 5pm, CN and I baby-sit 4 kids under the age of 3 for a wedding. We were both v. hung-over. This lasted until 1am. I then had to pack my bag and drive back to Baltimore for...

... SUNDAY! The baptism of baby J- my godson (stop laughing: I could be responsible if I wanted). That started at 9am, so I had to leave DC at 6am b/c I was too tired to drive home the night before, as planned. The baptism was great and all, but it was then I first started to feel sick. Not fun. I then hung out with some friends, had coffee with BD & MS, and then went back over to play with the little one until it was time for bed.

MONDAY: I really felt sick when I woke up. missed my train and had to pay for the more expensive AMTRAK as opposed to the MARC. Not cool. Was mildly late to work and really started feeling sick... when I came home from work- I went directly to bed. I forgot to notice that my cable wasn't working (week 2).

TUESDAY: BIG press conference on the federal abortion ban in south dakota hosted by NARAL Pro-Choice America. Also- it was "CIANA Tuesday," as we liked to call it- and the House, unfortunately, passed the so-called "Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act" (CIANA)- not cool. So it was a big, long, busy day... I went home, and went directly to bed.

Which brings me to today. Feeling more and more like crap as the hours tick by... all I want to do is sleep. It's time for my cold (and accompanying crappy mood) to be over.

So Much To Say

2006-09-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

Playing catch-up is what I do best. And, in order for me to write new posts about new and interesting things, I need to get a few things out of my system so I can properly move on, ya dig?

New job, new apartment, new(ish) city...Saw my kick ass friend from New England/New York City (depending on the week).Happy Hour? After work? Which ends by 6? Life is, as they say, good.
Birthday day dinner for Une Petite: sangria BAD, tapas GOOD. Continued Birthday Celebration at Brewer's Art and Dionysus: good times. Subsequent tummy-troubles: not good times.
Continuing binge with Saturday Night Smack down, DC style, v. good time. Porters to celebrate the birth of a co-worker, Baltimore & DC friends, and their friends, and their friends... classic DC night.
Status of women's reproductive rights: D- overall. Not hot. Luckily...I have amazing co-workers. For example:

and

I'm A Voting Machine (not really)

2006-09-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, so, I'm so not even worthy of posting anything these days, especially given my lack of posts (um, seriously... has it really been since August 11th? sad).

But a recent bout of procrastination at work led me to finally read a DailyCandy email regarding an election day advent calendar. Being a huge fan of the traditional and, erm, christian advent calendar marking down the days until the birth of Jesus (read: hey-sus. I'm latina afterall, aren't I?), I knew I had to have one of these bad boys-->

Happy Primary Day to those friends o' mine living in Arizona, Deleware, the District, Maryland, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont and Wisconsin.

September 1, 2006
Voting Machine

’Twas the night ’fore elections and throughout the metropolis,
Many creatures were stirring, even George Stephanopoulos.
The ballots were placed by the booths with great care
In hopes that no chads would be left hanging there.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
You sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

And what to your Fox-addled eyes should appear,
But eight sleepless pundits in need of some cheer.

Now Russert! Now Froomkin!
Now, George Will and Coulter!
On Matthews! O’Reilly!
Frank Rich and Broder!

The experts were feuding ’bout this land of ours:
Elections, gerrymandering, emissions from cars.
But before Russert managed to throttle his challenger,

You pulled out a trusty Election Day Advent Calendar.

Chockful of history, trivia, and fun,
It’s a political product we can all agree on.
And though it didn’t cure the pundits’ flair for hypocrisy,
It united them all in three cheers for democracy!

Available online at electiondayadventcalendar.com.

The above was 100% pilfered from dailycandy: washington, dc

Seriously

2006-08-11T05:09:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I insist on waking up at 5:45am?

I am a 10 minute walk from work!!

I need not wake up until 8:15am. 8:30 if I want to be wild and crazy. And yet, Mr. Sun and his Mr. Rays insist that 5:45am works just as well. I beg to differ, but still- here I am. Writing a post at 6am.

I'm going to have to talk to Mother Nature.

Happy 26.5 Birthday to DietCoke Girl!

2006-07-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

Today is my 26 1/2 Birthday and boy am I excited... If, by excited, I mean dumbfounded. "Old" isn't an adjective that conveys enough ageism to how I feel... "veija" sounds more like it... Thank you, spanish language, for accurately articulating what it is I'm feeling today.

Oddly enough, when I did I a google image search for my name + birthday, I got many pictures of dogs in party hats. Buggers. So, in lieu of that... I opted for the "monster with crown" because it seemed more appropriate.

Happy Birthday to Me! (Good thing I'm modest)

Perspective: (World Trade Center, the movie)

2006-07-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

I just got back from seeing a free advanced screening of the movie, "World Trade Center." I wanted to see the movie, and I didn't want to see the movie- for reasons I don't think really need explaining. Simply put- was I ready to watch that day unfold, again, on a big screen?

Turns out, no- I wasn't ready. No one in that theater was... because how does one get ready for devastation like that? Sadly, then, my biggest motivation was that the tickets were free and so I figured, "Why not?" And just like that, I was off to a movie with CJ.

I have to say that I think the movie was beautiful, heartbreaking and achingly overwhelming. It would be impossible for it not to be- don't you think? I was worried that there'd be a political message; an anti-war/pro-war sentiment. I was worried that the clips of Bush would be mocked by the film or worse- that they'd be praised. I was worried it would exploit the whole attack. But none of this happened... or if it did, I certainly didn't notice it.

Instead, I was so sucked into this story- Sucked into the story of these two men that were 2 of the 20 people that were pulled, ALIVE, from the rubble... numbers 18 & 19. From the moment the shadow of the plane flying into the first tower flashed on screen, I cried... and I kept crying the entire length of the movie. I don't say that to discourage people from seeing the movie- I say it because I wanted to convey just how deeply it touched me.

There were only two questionable parts in the movie that I disliked:
1. Maria Bello's "Donna" had on v. fake blue contacts that really irritated me... did they have to look so fake? Someone promise me that was intentional because it was v. distracting.
2. A Jesus montage... I disliked its hokey-ness v. much the instant I saw it... but luckily, the kitchyness was addressed later thereby redeeming itself.

I haven't read a review and I don't know what the critics are saying about this movie- but I really, really, REALLY needed to see something like this at this point in my life. It obviously puts everything properly in perspective, and perspective is something I certainly needed right now.

I worried about not having a job, and now that I have a job... I worry about not finding the perfect apartment, about my application for the apartment I like going through, about Ebbitt's eventual death, about the length of my hair (is it too long? it's all I have!), about where I'm going to park my car, about how I'll get to work (which route to take?), about which grad school program is right for me, about whether or not to get movers, about STILL not having access to my summer wardrobe... and so on, and so forth.

And now I can see that it'll all work out- because it always does. Because there is so much out there that is bigger and badder and sadder and meaner than anything my mind can conjure up. Because I'll be able to pay my rent and stay fed and still have fun with friends. I might not own my own house now- or be able to go out and "buy something expensive" when I'm feeling defeated- but I'll be just fine. I'm MJ- and I've survived much worse. And there are so many awful things out there happening to so many good, hardworking, and loving people that all I can do is my best to live MY life (with MY salary and MY abilities) the best I can.

(Yes- I'm a little fired up.)

I'm getting all "Dear Diary" on y'all and I apologize for that... but I just feel so much crazy emotion about this movie that I wanted to write it down and save it so I can always remember how I felt. Which is the purpose of a blog anyway... right?

It's liberating, really, to know that I don't have to take myself so seriously... and to relish the fact that I'm-doing-just-fine-thank-you. I'm terribly lucky and fortunate, I'm loved and appreciated, and I'm happy. With a cute shih-tzu. Named Ebbitt. Is there really anything else?

Raining in Baltimore

2006-07-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

And now for the weekend wrap-up:

Sushi & Snoballs... Maryland at its best
Apartment searching is a bitch, isn't it?
New favorite place to chow (read/drink/chill) in DC: Busboys & Poets
Hot hot heat turns into wet wet weather... drenched & mesmerized by Common's performance at Artscape (sometimes Baltimore is the best)
Did someone say Mojitos? I think I did, about 5-6 times...
Best quote of the night, RP: "So, where do people go to drink when they are OVER 21?" Answer: NOT Grumpy's (Federal Hill)
Nardin is NOT Nichols (or St. Joe's, for that matter)
Sunday morning, and I'm sporting a wee bit o' a headache and I'm grumpy beyond words. In fact, I'm downright delightful...
...Coffee & Diet Coke makes it all better
72 degree weather! I will sleep beautifully tonight (if/when I get to bed)

An excellent weekend indeed... but a bitch of a week lies ahead.

A Direct Hit

2006-07-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Cartoon by Stuart Carlson and courtesy of (I mean, not that I asked them) Slate Magazine.

...Current Events for my current-affairs-challenged friends...

Turning Two

2006-07-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

Now THAT's what I'm talking about...

(1) paisley swim-trunks... check
(2) plaid shirt to match said swim-trunks... check
(3) requisite candy ring-pop... check
(4) moonbounce... check
(5) beer (miller lite)... check
(6) baltimore humidity... check

Turning 2 has never been so sweet... Happy Birthday Ben!

Fenwick Island, NY Times Style

2006-07-10T13:38:00.000-05:00

Friday's New York Times ran a small article about Fenwick Island (Delaware) and, being the ever-educator I try to be, I decided to 'borrow' it and cut and paste it onto my blog for my friends to read. It's not that great, but decidedly exciting that Fenwick Island is finally getting mad props instead of playing second and third fiddle to Bethany Beach and Rehoboth... great beaches, no doubt, but overplayed. Totally overplayed.

(You can click here to read the article directly from the NYTimes, or just read what I cut and pasted below. Probably illegally, but ahh well.)

Pleasures of the Shore, With Little of the Froth

by Dave Caldwell, The New York Times

A WHITE stone lighthouse, 87 feet tall and 147 years old, stands silently at the southern tip of Fenwick Island, no more than 10 feet north of the border with Maryland. The lighthouse is the entry to what locals call "slower lower" Delaware.

Unlike its noisier neighbor, Ocean City, Md., and the growing Delaware coast resort towns like Rehoboth Beach, Fenwick Island has continued to lure second-home buyers with not much more than the promise of peace and quiet on summer weekends.

Perched on a spit of sand between Little Assawoman Bay and the Atlantic Ocean, Fenwick Island is not that big or that populous. It does not offer a lot of modern creature comforts, either, but full-time and part-time residents see that as a good thing.

"We still don't have a Starbucks here," said Jerean Adkins, a real estate agent who grew up on Fenwick Island. But there is a modest off-beach boardwalk near the Fisher's caramel-corn stand and the Viking miniature golf course (with a steam-breathing dragon).

The beach itself is clean, wide and uncluttered. Besides lounging in the sun, residents can sail, kayak, bicycle, ride water scooters, skim-board, windsurf and go crabbing and surf fishing. Those who have a need for a big boardwalk can find it about 10 miles south in Ocean City.

"We used to vacation in Maine almost every summer, but Maine is too far away," said Debbie Ferry, a resident of West Chester, Pa., who just bought a four-bedroom house on a pond west of town with her husband, David. "We still wanted that same feeling."

Fenwick Island residents seem to enjoy brewing their own coffee, taking a morning cup out to a back porch that overlooks the bay or the ocean, then quietly pondering the unruffled beauty of the scene and, perhaps, the meaning of the world.

"Fenwick Island has retained its charm — its old-time charm," said Richard Chavatel, a builder from Timonium, Md., who with his wife, Marty, owns a six-bedroom second home on the mainland just west of Fenwick Island proper.

The Scene

Fenwick Island and Bethany Beach, Del. — on the same barrier island as Ocean City — are known as the quiet resorts. Fenwick Island State Park is between Fenwick Island and Bethany Beach.

The incorporated portion of Fenwick Island is small, and when residents refer to Fenwick Island, they're often speaking of the unincorporated area of the island to the south and the mainland to the immediate west.

The Coastal Highway, or Route 1, is Fenwick Island's main drag. It runs north-south and splits the community in two. Lining the highway are most of Fenwick Island's restaurants, beach shops and souvenir stores.

There are plenty of restaurants on Fenwick Island, including the Fenwick Crab House, Dirty Harry's II (where pork and sauerkraut is the Saturday night special) and Mancini's Brick Oven Pizzeria. Ocean City offers plenty of alternatives.

Bunting Avenue, a block east of the Coastal Highway, is an approach to the rambling beachfront homes — many of which sell for more than $1 million. Apartment buildings squat on the other side of the avenue.

Route 54 intersects the Coastal Highway near the Fenwick Island Lighthouse and runs west, linking motorists to Route 113, which circumvents the more crowded Delaware beach towns to the north. Most of the recent development is off Route 54.

Pros

Residents say the beach is rarely crowded, perhaps because the beachfront is lined with homes, not shops. Parking is limited. Residents of the Town of Fenwick Island receive one parking pass and can buy additional passes.Daily parking for nonresidents is $5 on weekdays and $10 on weekends. A visitor's parking permit for mid-May to mid-September is $300 per car. Beachside parking in the state park and unincorporated areas requires another permit.

"On any holiday weekend — Memorial Day, July 4, Labor Day — I don't ever see a car from my house," said Donna Hughes, a full-time resident of Wilmington, Del., who figures she spends 40 weekends a year at the three-bedroom house she owns with her fiancé, Steve Dineen, in the Keen-Wik Sound development. "You don't even know it's a holiday."

Ms. Adkins, the real estate agent, who learned to ride a bike on the dirt roads (now paved) of Fenwick Island, said that the state has never hesitated to improve the infrastructure to accommodate growth. But "Delaware's a small state," she laughed. "There's only so much we can stand."

Cons

Those who have bought second homes say they would like to see Route 54 widened to handle traffic at the intersection of Route 1 on summer weekends.

They say they would also like more cultural activities, a new supermarket or two and a few new restaurants. But the lack of amenities is part of the trade-off of having a home on Fenwick Island.

Within view of the southern tip of Fenwick Island, the Coastal Highway in Ocean City is lined with motels, service stations and chain restaurants. Fenwick Island residents say they want new businesses, but they also do not want to risk losing the community's laid-back atmosphere.

Referring to other Delaware beach towns, Ms. Hughes said, "You just can't find a spot on the beach in many of those places."

The Real Estate Market

Don Conaway of Seashore Realty on the island said that until last winter, when interest rates began to rise, the Fenwick Island real estate market was the best in the 30 years he has been in the business. But, he said, second homes have just been priced too high recently.

"There's always a correction that goes on," Mr. Conaway said. "Sellers have got to make a correction. If something's priced right, it'll sell."

Real estate is still expensive because much of the land in the area has been developed. Ten years ago, Mr. Conaway said, an undeveloped oceanfront lot would have sold for $250,000. Now, the asking price for the same lot would be $2.5 million, he said. The current asking price for a 50-by-100-foot lot on the Coastal Highway is $1 million, he said.

Ms. Adkins estimated that an inland four-bedroom house that would have sold for $200,000 a decade ago would now sell for $450,000 to $500,000. In January, she helped to sell an undeveloped lot on the bay for $550,000; about 10 years ago it went for $150,000.

Growth has spread to the west. Bayside is a two-year-old golf community developed by the Carl M. Freeman Companies four miles from the Town of Fenwick Island. It has a Jack Nicklaus course partly surrounded by detached houses, town houses and condominiums.

Thirty-four floor plans are available on the 867-acre tract. A two-bedroom condominium sells in the upper-$300,000's, and single-family houses sell for $525,000 for the least expensive four-bedroom to $1 million for the most-expensive five-bedroom. Shuttles are available to the beach.

Black & Tan: A Weekend in Review

2006-07-10T09:42:00.000-05:00

This weekend was tres, tres chic... and by chic, I mean "weekend-traveler-from-DC-chic"-- Who knew the Delaware coast (Dela-where?) was getting so trendy. Go back to the Hamptons, you dolts.

Anyway... here's the round-up:
* Spent the weekend in Fenwick Island, DE with RL

* Discovered the joys of a roasted garlic bulb and copious amounts of bread (Mancini's)

* Indulged my neurotic tendencies (with an assistant this time)... and layed out intricate plans for escape from the beach cottage (should neighbors decide to come inside for a 4am nightcap)

* The Sands Motel hosted it's first ever U.S. Senate conference call... Oddly enough, this experience was lost on the locals

* Dined at Rehoboth's new Irish Pub... name not remembered... and got buzzed off of one, ONE, O-N-E beer... sad

* Saw "The Devil Wears Prada" and enjoyed it far more than I liked the book... Anne Hathaway was/is so refreshing, Meryl Streep was killah, and Adrian Grenier is tres, tres adorable

* Enjoyed Delaware finest radio stations ("My name is Marcie, and I'm a Cancer... blah, blah, blah, blah... something, something "answer")

* Royal Farms coffee and Berger cookies for breakfast

* Beautiful, sunny day on beach... with which I totally tanned/burned my back without realizing it... Damn the comfortable tummy position of optimal beach-book-reading...

* Went SWIMMING! Failed to see sharks, sting-rays or other ocean-dwellers

* Grudgingly drove back... the lack of traffic, however, was enjoyable (NOT enjoyable: the "Pete Sessions" and "GWBush" election stickers on the SUV in front of us)

All-in-all... Successful in every aspect. Life is good.

Oy with the Poodles Already!

2006-07-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

I just feeling a list-making mood coming on... so here we go:

iHeart that I can watch the World Cup games live... and iHeart (even more) the fact that latin soccer players are so hott (two "t"s intended).
This 4th of July was better than I could have anticipated... therefore, iHeart old friends and St. Paul's School (for boys... not to be confused with St. Paul's School for Girls).
iHeart Gilmore Girls (for expressions such as, "Oy with the poodles already", among others)
iHeart Baltimore, MD: No joke... it so doesn't get the credit it deserves. While walking from Canton to Fells Point on the 4th (parking was a bitch), my friend and I noted how awesome it was that those with waterfront views of the harbor let any old passers-by sit on their property and take in the fireworks... and some went so far as to offer blankets, chairs and BOOZE. Clearly, Natty Boh: this is Baltimore, after all. Anyway, as we hurried along, my friend said, "This is definitely not the stuff you think of when you hear the word 'Baltimore'- hell, I don't even think of this stuff," and it got me thinking... poor little Baltimore- you got one bad rap.

(Ok, back to the World Cup... where I'm hoping Portugal will kick some French butt)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

2006-07-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This is the most brilliant TV show ever. Ok, maybe not ever, but it is so close to numero uno that it's totally worth mentioning on my blog. FX done some good by keeping this show around for season 2. I love that it's raunchy, un-PC, and clever in it's intricacies... much like the dearly departed Arrested Development. And the title... come on! It doesn't get much better than that...

Julio esta aqui!

2006-07-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

Horray for July!

27 days 'til my 1/2 birthday... I'm just sayin'.

from my friends at "Go Fug Yourself"

2006-06-24T21:14:00.000-05:00

So funny, I wanted to make sure y'all saw it with your own eyes... all credit goes to my friends (I wish) at Go Fug Yourself.
******************************************************

Letter of Truth: Part Justin

Dear Justin,

I just heard a rumor that you finally broke up with that scrawy cracked-out ho and I just wanted to tell you that everything I told Matt Lauer about how my marriage is awesome and stuff is a total lie. Call me!

I made a picture of what it would be like if we got back together! Look:

Seriously, don't we look happy together? It will totally be just like this, too!

So call me! Or you can email me! It's the same email I always had. Or you can IM me if you want! IM is good! I'm still SweetCheetoKisses on AIM! Or just come by the house! Come by whenever you want! My mom will TOTALLY let you in.

Okay! I'm really excited! This is going to be great!

Bye!

Love!

Britney

PS: Seriously, don't we look happy together? I can't wait!

PPS: Wear that hat!

Girl Crush

2006-06-22T19:30:00.001-05:00

I just discovered Sarah Vowell, and I'll forever hate myself for not knowing of her genius sooner...

Ok, so a looker- she is not. But really, who is? And she's funny and smart and witty and into history... how freaking cool is that? I wish I knew her... we'd be the best of friends. We could take roadtrips- I'd drive because she doesn't have her license- and go visit morbid, yet fascinating, presidential landmarks. It would be incredible... Incredibly twisted.

Also- she has a masters in Art History. Again, hi!??! Can we be best friends?

Oh, and this is brilliant: According to Wikipedia (and my readings in Assassination Vacation):
"Vowell’s twin sister Amy gave her a hair of abolitionist guerrilla warrior John Brown or Christmas, which now decorates her wall. According to her book Assassination Vacation, she gave Amy a DVD player."- I'm loving it.

I wish I knew her when she was a contributor on NPR's This American Life. Maybe she still does? Why didn't I know? Drat. I bet JW knew...

*This latest post was brought to you courtesy of Assassinationn Vacation by one, Sarah Vowell.

Tony Awards

2006-06-11T21:33:00.000-05:00

I rather love the Tony Awards. It's like Christmas & Disneyworld all wrapped up in one for me. And I have a new crush, too... courtesy of Jersey Boys. Allow me to introduce you to John Lloyd Young:

(He's probably gay because, well, that's my life.)

Ali, PJ (my fellow Broadway Babies)-- have y'all seen Jersey Boys yet?

A New Day Has Come

2006-06-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

I guess Mandy finally found out about Zach and me... I hope she took it well. It's a shame it took so long, because then I could have been his date for the MTV movie awards but, you know, whatever.

It's actually kinda sad because iHeart both of them, but you know... what can you do? Zach needs an older, wiser, non-actor girlfriend (or at least that's what he told me).

Mandy must have seen it coming... I mean, Zach all but told her about us in a March episode of Scrubs.

(Photo courtesy of www.perezhilton.com)

I say scarf, you say...

2006-06-06T10:33:00.000-05:00

... bandana? bib? inverted cone?

This, by the way, is what happens when Molly knits... the intent was a scarf: Notice the width at the narrowest point! I had only the best intentions in mind! What I got was some sort of creation that kept widening, and widening, and widening, and widening, and widening...

sigh.

no burritos!

2006-06-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

(photoshopped, i know... but funny still the same)

The Wizard of Oz ?

2006-05-31T22:33:00.000-05:00

(I literally copied this entry from Feministing... because I wouldn't dare make up something this demented. Which is good, or bad, depending on how you look at things. Regardless, I didn't write this, I'm just passing this along... courtesy of Jen, who sent the link to me in an email titled: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow... in the Land of Abstinence." Classic.)

Get ready to lose your shit.

The Abstinence Clearinghouse is hosting a Leadership Conference in Kansas next week with all of the usual misinformation and scare tactics. But this year is a little different. This year has a theme. Wait for it... The Wizard of Oz.

The movie shows a classic struggle of a lost girl and her misfit friends finding their way, against great odds and in the face of risk to reach their full potential. Many of the scenes and themes in this classic movie can be allegories for today's youth.

Ok, you want a cheesy conference theme? Sure. But the wicked witch of abstinence-only ed, Leslee Unruh , is taking it to the next level.

Just check out some of the panel titles:

If I Only Had a Brain: The Effects of Sex on Brain Physiology

A Horse of a Different Color (This is a group of hip hop dancers. Ahem.)

And my personal favorite: Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead! Which Old Witch? (The "Safe-Sex" Witch)

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Also, there's a jingle. A jingle!

Yuck

2006-05-24T21:05:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, Old Friend

2006-05-14T20:11:00.000-05:00

I'm so sad to see you go...

Urine for a treat!

2006-05-11T16:27:00.000-05:00

the b-b-b-b-b-b-bladder!

The bladder stores your pee until you're ready to go! Most bladders hold approximately 300-400 milliliters of liquid, about the size of a can and a half of soda. Drink up! When you pee, your brain tells the muscles in your bladder to tighten and squeeze out the urine. In Japanese, the word for bladder, ukibukuro, also means "life buoy!' Let the bladder take out the trash with a lovely golden shower!

(But for the record: My bladder clearly holds more than a can and a half of soda... duh! I mean- come on! Would my diet coke & coffee consumption stand for that kind of nonsense? Didn't think so!)

have a drink on me!

2006-05-10T13:36:00.000-05:00

The Liver

The liver acts as a filter, keeping gross bacteria from the gut from getting into your bloodstream. It also creates and synthesizes substances that maintain balance in the body. He works in detox! Say liver in Japanese: Rebaa!

I'm so obsessed with this new website, I thought I'd share another organ. Adorable!

Clean Your Womb!

2006-05-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

clean your womb!

The uterus is the female reproductive organ, which means she helps make and hold new human beings. Cool! The ovaries release eggs, which may or may not be fertilized by an incoming sperm. If there's no sperm, the egg and the uterine lining flush out in the big bloody mess we all know as the period. This is the time of the month when you are extra-nice to your ladyfriends. If the sperm and the egg meet, well, then there's gonna be a kid in nine months with plenty of womb to grow! Uterus in Japanese, shikyuu, also means "four balls" as well as "hit a batter by pitching a ball." Go figure.

this website makes me happy.

(This post goes out, again, to Ox, proud owner of Two Uterii.)

Mis Novios

2006-05-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

(Apparently, I have much to say today.)

So, it's come to my attention that I have a variety of boyfriends, and some people (who shall remain nameless), have even gone so far as to suggest I narrow the pool of eligible lifemates down. Riiiiiiiiiight. It's my fantasy and I'll play the game the way I want to play the game. So there.

Anyway, in lieu of Ox's recent CASTING OF FRIENDS exercise, I've decide to do a less exhausting version and give you a glossary of my celebrity boyfriends. Kind of like her Stephanox Association Associates (note to reader: this list, or at least my personal description, was concocted during our senior year of college).

Without further ado, I give you the glossary of my men (in no particular order, 'cept everyone knows that Jason is my favorite, so he gets top billing):

Jason Schwartzman: No explanation needed, but if I must... then it's the eyes! the mole(s)! the baby boy inquisitive look! the band (used to be in) he drummed for! His choice of movies (Rushmore, I Heart Huckabees, ShopGirl, Slackers, etc.) Total package, ladies. Total package.

Zach Braff: Garden State. Enough said... tho I could add "Scrubs."

Ewan McGregor: Best enjoyed whilst singing in Moulin Rouge. Oh! And naked, too.

Stephen Colbert: He had me on The Daily Show... and now he has me with his "truthiness." Adorable- even if he is a South Carolinian.

Johnny Damon: Ok, fine. So he's a (ick) Yankee (Stankee) now, but back in the day, he was my own... personal... Jesus.

Jason Varitek: Obviously, my favorite catcher is best viewed from behind. While fighting. Naturally.

Josh Lyman/Bradley Whitford: Asshole. Cocky. Self-assured. Political Genius. Anxious. Sleep Deprived. He deserves his adjectives in all CAPS. He deserves me.

Jimmy Smitts: Sexy latino... and the President-Elect. Yes please!

Jake Gyllenhaal: I was the only one on my block that saw Bubble Boy... and then I was one of the first, and only (for a while) to enjoy Donnie Darko. I even enjoyed The Good Girl- despite the horrific Jennifer Aniston... because of Jakey-poo. So when his royal hotness decided to buff it up for Jarhead, I already knew I adored. And I still do.

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, fine. He's engaged to Maggie... and we all know how I feel about that... but he's still eye candy of the finest variety.

And, well, that's all I can recall... if you think of others, to post a comment and let me know. Gracias.

My boyfriend is funny

2006-05-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

No really, he is such a dear. For instance, at the White House Press Dinner:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Grrrrrrrr

2006-05-01T09:35:00.000-05:00

My dad's girlfriend/woman friend/soulmate/life partner/woman-of-the-week/etc. recently decided that they could finally get a dog. Which, I might add, my dad has wanted since the get-go. But my dad, a man's man(ish), wanted a lab or some sort of bigger dog. In fact, his only specification was not small and not white. But, this woman (read with disgust), has 4 ugly smelly Siamese cats (really read that with disgust)... so my poor dad was unable to father a dog.

NOW! Suddenly, she's decided that it's ok to get a dog. And so she adopts one. Great.

And it's small.

white.

and it's name... is

Molly.

Ummm, what?

My Life, My Card

2006-04-26T18:58:00.000-05:00

Ok, imagine... IMAGINE my delight when I saw the new Wes Anderson commercial for American Express which featured Jason Schwartzman... Go ahead, imagine.

Here's the deal: I saw one of those American Express "My Life, My Card" commercials on TV just now, and, being a fan (I lurved the M.Night Shyamalan one and totally dug the Kate Winslet one), I decided to give it a look-see. Well, be-still-my-beating-heart because this one starred Wes Anderson and Jason Schwartzman. Double siiiiiiiiigh. Watch here, please... and then we can discuss.

Obviously, it's brilliant! The ad featured Anderson on a movie set and included such gems as a scene featuring Jason Schwartzman (the future Mr. Molly Jackson) losing his best friend in an explosion, debate over the usage of a hat ("Why would my character put on a hat when he just saw his best friend blow up?"), and a .357 with a bayonet attached to it. It also had random tributes to "Memoirs of a Geisha" and "The Da Vinci Code" to name a few.

Notably funny parts:

* Wes says, "Are those my birds? Hmmm... I need those."
* Jason's character's friend blows up, and he yells "Francois!" in a carefree sort of way.
* The entire ad uses the "Wes Anderson" font... and iHeart fonts! (just ask Ox)
* Wes: "Can I get my snack?" Assistant: "You're eating it."

But mostly, at the end of the day... I enjoyed me some Jason Schwartzman... which reminds me: Marie Antoinette, directed by the effervescent Sofia Coppola, comes out in May... Hooray! TRAILER (complete with french subtitles, natch. You know how I "loves" the French). And the New Order song on the trailer "Ceremony"- priceless.

"American Dreamz" they are not

2006-04-24T19:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so... on Sunday I saw American Dreamz. I was very excited, and so was CJ (Carol Jackson, aka Mom), because we both lurve Hugh Grant. He's so verrry dreamy. And British.

So, we smuggled in the requisite coffee (iced coffee for me, decaf vanilla americano for CJ), got there about 45 minutes early to get prime seating, put our feet up, and waited with breathless anticipation... or something.

And then it started, and while I found the satire of the Bush Administration and American Idol enjoyable in theory, I just felt as though this was not a dream I would remember (cue laughter for sad, sad attempt a joke)...

Dennis Quaid was a half-assed President Bush... who really emoted a whole lot of nothing. And while, yes- Bush is a President who does a whole lot of nothing, he still has personality. No matter how tragic and stupid it may be.

Mandy Moore was good- and tried her best to do more with a part that was only halfway written and therefore could only be halfway realized. Ditto with Hugh Grant's character... a Simon Cowell/Ryan Seacrest hybrid. Chris Klein, surprisingly, was pretty decent too.

I guess my main problem was that I wanted to laugh at it... but found myself forcing the laughter 90% of the time. Out of pity? Obligation? Wishful thinking?

The only shining gem was truly the character Iqbal... his gay-American-Dreamz-Contestant-wannabe character was a hoot and a half. No joke. When I laughed at him, I definitely meant it. Tony Yalda is his name. He gets two thumbs up.

It seems more like a bunch of character outlines, and not so much of an actual story. And while it seemed to mesh together at times, it appeared to do so quite desperately. So, go see it, I guess... but netflixing it would be a far better idea. No matter how badly we want to enjoy this movie.

I did, however, greatly enjoy the movie poster (please see picture above).

Like Mother, like Daughter

2006-04-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

My mother is hysterical. She's also a bit obsessive, neurotic and irrational, but that is quite besides the point. Of this blog, anyway.

Anyway, with each passing day that I spend at home with her, I notice that I'm sadly becoming more and more like her. Sometimes it's a good thing; mostly it's not so much. Which brings me to the tale of today which I affectionately call, "If I don't see you, you don't exist."

My mom has this yard-man... a dude, and old dude, that cuts the lawn, trims hedges, whacks weeds, feeds birds (ok, wait- I actually do that one), and generally meanders around outside our house. I dislike him very much. Moms does too. However, she continues to pay him and solicit his help with yard-like things. And so, I continue to sneak out of my house to go about my unemployed business.

Yes, sneak. I'll escape through the basement, run up the outside stairs (amongst the spiders and crickets and bees...), hop the fence, and beeline it to my car-- all in the name of avoiding him. Or- I'll walk out the front door, shimmy up against the house, with head up and eyes down, and again: beeline it to my car. CRAZY, right? But he's that vile.

Today, for example, we had this exchange:
Whitey (oh yeah, that's his name): Hey! Hey! You got a job yet?
MJ: No. (I don't try and use many words with him, as to not confuse him.)
Whitey: Why not? No one want to hire you?
MJ: Apparently not.
Whitey: Well, ok. Hey, you look a lot prettier lately.
(awkward silence, and patented Molly-death look)
MJ: bbbssshhhk.
Whitey: What? You don't think you're pretty?
MJ: No, no. I think I'm hot (dripping with sarcasm). Thanks a bunch Whitey, good bye.
THE END

So, now that you're all with me, and you see the reasons why CJ (my Moms) and I go to these lengths to avoid him, you will not only sympathize but emphasize, with the fact that we hid (HID!) from Whitey this very afternoon.

He had been cutting our grass... all. day. long. And for those of you that have been here to Padonia Road- you know that there isn't that much grass to cut. So around 3pm, after the awkward exchange I have documented above, he came into the house (uninvited) to tell me he'd be BACK after dinner. Ugh.

When my mom returned from work, I told her, and she said, "Great! Now we can't eat dinner until he leaves... wanna go out for dinner?" I did not, however, want to dine out because I had stuff to do... so, because Mom refused to cook dinner with Whitey outside and able to look into our kitchen, I was forced to make a salad from the basement. Yep. The basement.

When Whitey finished the yard... he began knocking on the door. And knocking. And knocking. And my mom was hiding in the first floor bathroom- she was busted(!) and couldn't emerge until she knew the coast was clear. So I was forced to tip-toe up our creaky stairs, crawl to window space, take a peak, and report back. Ultimately, Whitey was forced to give up the fight and retire home. But not after leaving a note which read: I know you guys are at home. I can see your car. Why won't you answer the door?

D'oh.

Were CJ & I paranoid? Yep- you bet. Is it something my mother convinced me to do? Yep- you bet. Am I mortified? Yep- you bet.

Christ is Risen!

2006-04-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

So, the Wonkette today, reported on this Washington Post Article:

And I love it. The Wonkette goes on to comment: HereÂs our view. We think itÂs really tacky that these parents would hijack such a cherished, non-gay holiday as Easter. You know, the holiday when you dye eggs pretty pastel colors and put little decorative touches on them, before donning a giant bunny suit and stuffing your face full of truffles.

All non-Wonkette readers needed to read this, so sorry for the plagerism.

oh! Peter

2006-04-11T21:40:00.000-05:00

Speaking of marriage:

The two loveliest people in the world are getting married... and not to me. Why? Because life is unfair.

Perhaps it is because Peter sensed my inability to imagine actually being married.

Perhaps Maggie understood that I don't dig on chicks (it was ONE NIGHT IN MY LIFE, people, and most of you readers were involved... so back up off me!).

Perhaps it is a cruel, cruel joke, and I will wake tomorrow to learn that the Washington Post is a bunch of liars!

Ahhh, well. Here's hoping.

Josh Lyman, will you marry me?

2006-04-10T10:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, so if i didn't already heart Josh Lyman enough... he had to go and make me cry like a damn fool last night. Well, it wasn't only his fault, but pretty much seeing my strong, stoic, and egotistical asshole act like, well, human... I don't know. It got to me.

(Another possible explanation of the tears could be the fact that we had a crack in our furnace and have been living sans heat since... oh, last friday... which essentially has had a negative affect on my mental effectiveness.)

Or, perhaps it's because it's just that time of the month. Tim, back me up on this...------>

I guess I really haven't worked through my grief over the passing of the great John Spencer. I was soo surprised that it happened, and I was so not ready to say goodbye to his character. I cried. Hell, I cried when his character had a heart attack on the show in '04 (or was it early '05?)... just ask Tim. He was there, he knows.

And now, next week, I'll have to deal with the funeral. Ummmm, no! I can't take it. Please, NBC, what are you doing to me? I will have to Tivo the episode and watch in increments as to not downward spiral into the depths of despair.

Anyway, back to Josh Lyman. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT get enough of him. Those eyes. That receding hairline. That manic personality. The cockiness. The smugness. The intellect. Uggghhh. I wish he was real. In real life, Bradley Whitford is married to that annoying chick from Malcolm in the Middle. So, I guess that's not going to work.

Which is too bad. But at least I won't have to fight all my friends for him (Ali, Meryl, etc. Y'all know who you are).

iHeart you #33 (Jason Varitek)

2006-04-09T10:08:00.000-05:00

Going to see my baby play some baseball today...

Thunder-Thighs... here i come!

(I am so obsessed that I though I saw him 3 different times while drinking my morning coffee today at the Baltimore Coffee & Tea Company. Obviously, it wasn't him. He knows not where Timonium is.)

warning: the sickness is mutating

2006-03-27T15:42:00.000-05:00

"You are just about to hit the phase where although you start to feel a bit better, you also begin to use 9 time as much Kleenex as you previously did. This cold is a major snot producer."

"Stock up on antihistimines. This bitch just mutated into crazy allergylike shit. My face is swollen."

These were the messages that I received from a good ole Ox last night and today. She got sick before I did, and now I rely on her advice to get me through the days.

I'm forced, thereby, to make an addendum to my previous post about how Pittsburgh wasn't nearly as bad as it had been in the past... though it might have been sunny- it was sick! Literally! So don't be fooled by pretty weather... it's just there to lure you in...

P.S. If I get a swollen face again, I'm not going to be happy.

1 down, 4 to go

2006-03-24T14:13:00.000-05:00

*All photos contained in this entry are compliments of the brilliant P(izzle) J(izzle)... aka PJ aka Pamela Jaye. Holla.*

This past weekend, I went to a wedding. In Pittsburgh. A wedding in Pittsburgh. For my good friend Allison. You can call her Mrs. Fillar now (!).

The Notorious P.J.W. trained to me from New York, and then we drove the scenic Pennsylvania Turnpike all the way to loverly Pittsburgh. And by scenic, I mean scene-less, but whatever. Potatoes, potahtoes.

Anyway, we got in to the 'burgh around 5ish, and met up with the Uncle and the Cousin. And went to a Chinese buffet (!). With soft serve ice cream. And potato skins. Then it was off to our driving tour of downtown Pittsburgh (dahhn-taahhn). That was actually quite pretty. And then, we went back to wait for Ox's arrival, which happened circa 9:43:56ish... give or take a few seconds.

(I'm going to stop recounting the details in a diary-like fashion because it's quickly getting tedious. Instead, I'll skip to the fun stuff... and compliment my thoughts with pictures. For your reading pleasure, natch.)

Other notables that occurred:
- My Uncle Robert might be the most talkative person ever. Strike that. He IS the most talkative person ever.
- Allison prepared to walk down the aisle, and I cried.
- Allison walked down the aisle, in what was one of the most beautiful dresses I'd EVER seen, and Ox cried.
- The original 5 (Ali, Allison, PJ, Ox and I) took a picture together at the reception, and PJ cried (There was a lot of happy crying).
- I consumed, no joke: 3 vodka tonics, 3-4 glasses of wine (white)... the amount is debatable at this point, a scotch on the rocks (thanks Vinnie- that was totally necessary), champagne, and, to wrap up the night, beer. Apparently, I was enjoying the open bar, and the fact that I hadn't consumed mass alcohol since ELECTION NIGHT in November. Why did I forget my tolerance level, or lack thereof?
- PJ and I took 8 hundred pictures of ourselves. It happens. In 90% of said pictures, I pretended I was MKO: Mary Kate Olsen.
- Jeff and Allison kissed... A LOT. When the priest dude said "You may kiss the Bride"- they took the next 5 minutes to perfect said kiss. It was cute, though slightly uncomfortable. But cute.
- We sat at a table with some *interesting* people: one dude wore a sweater (it's black tie dude!), one was the most Irish looking Italian dude ever, two were very nice normal girls (sorry ox and pj, but i'm not talking about you two), one was engaged but you'd never know it (boo hiss), and finally- there was the one without chin. Not kidding.
- Obviously, the after party was at the Holiday Inn. Mostly, because we liked shouting, "We be partyin' at the Holiday Inn!"
-My hangover was primo. I think I out did myself this time, as the photos will attest.
- It was sunny in Pittsburgh, for the first 3 consecutive days EVER!

All in all... a great time. We should definitely do it again soon. But... I'm not IT!

Believe Him

2006-03-23T20:29:00.000-05:00

Now, for the record, I am NOT one that thinks Oprah is da bomb: in fact, she annoys me. But, I was reading a magazine, and read this snippet about a female journalist that had collected advice/wisdom from notable women. The text below caught my attention:

Oprah said TRUST YOUR GUY GUT. "When I met Oprah, I told her I'd just broken up with a guy who treated me like dirt, and she rolled her eyes, as in, why were you with him? At a later dinner with her, I told her we were back together. Oprah shook her head and said, 'The first time a guy shows you who he is, believe him.' She was right: We crashed and burned shortly after."

I bring this up now because, friends- you need to hear this. It seems like I have quite a few friends that would benefit from such advice: both men and women. I believe that this advice works both ways. Somewhere along the way, we begin to think we deserve less than the best, or that having something is better than having nothing... and that's simply not the case. No way! Excuses can only cover up so much, and in the end... we are left with what we started with. The real question is: Is that enough?

So, chin up my weary ones... and when in doubt, ask: WWOS (What would Oprah say)?

For the Widows In Paradise, for the Fatherless In Ypsilanti

2006-03-14T22:24:00.000-05:00

Oh! My.

I simply cannot get this song out of my head. I'm sorry to say that I heard it on The OC, but there- I said it, I put it out there, and now I feel better.

But really, this song... THIS SONG. I feel a wee bit closer to whatever it is I'm looking for. It's just so kind, so generous.

I mean, let's start with the title: For the Widows In Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti. Does it get any better than this? I love this artist, love the theme of "U.S. States" that his albums follow (he's gonna do one for each state, and started with Michigan because homeboy's from Detroit), and love the quirkyness. Love it.

And it's such a beautifully heartbreaking funeral song. It got me feeling sad about Johnny's death on The OC (and you KNOW I don't care about him), and it magically appeared of a mix CD from my boo david foley at the exact time I needed it most... during the recent death of a friend's mom. During the death filled days of early 2006. During the depressing joblessness that I must endure.

Clearly,I'm a fan. And I'm gushing because I just never expected to be affected so much by a song. I mean, I love many different types of music, but lately, nothing has spoken to me so humanely as this guy. Nothing.

********************************************************
For the Widows In Paradise, for the Fatherless In Ypsilanti

I have called you children, I have called you son.
What is there to answer if I'm the only one?
Morning comes in paradise, morning comes in light.
Still I must obey, still I must invite.

If there's anything to say,
If there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarrassment I was dressed in whine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die.
Is there some idea to replace my life?

Like a father to impress, like a mother's morning dress
If (I) you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you.

I have called you preacher, I have called you son.
If you have a father or if you haven't one.

I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you

I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you

I did everything for you, I did everything for you.
********************************************************
From the CD titled, "Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lake State."

His website is even better because you can read what he has to say, and listen to clips of each, song... click on "Paradise" on the map, and you'll hear my favorite song. He also wrote this:

(Click Here to find the CD on Amazon.)

You'd think, by the way I'm gushing, that I'm getting paid for such an endorsement, but I assure you no. Just like my love of Diet Coke, this is free advertisement, baby.

Hear, Hear!

2006-03-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

From this Tuesday's episode of Scrubs (a repeat, but brand new to me):

"God bless Molly Ringwald. And this Molly. Ahh heck with it- God bless
Mollys everywhere!"

Indeed. And hearing my name out of Zach Braff's mouth... Priceless.

"In the same way you like to watch puppies play..."

2006-03-08T21:07:00.000-05:00

... my predictions for American Idol's next four rejects.

Las Mujeres:
Goodbye Kinnik- Seriously, next time, you need a better name to carry you through. And less lips.
Adios Melissa- You sing, look and present yourself like a dude... and this week, you screamed your way through a killer 80's song... SHAME on you. You didn't bring it. You left it at home.

Los Hombres:
Ahh Will- You're adorable. Like a Brady from the "Brady Bunch." But for butchering a James Taylor classic, you, sir, must leave us. Ciao baby.
Kevin- A sex symbol you are not, but let's face it dude... you only lasted this long because your cheeks are squeezable and ignite the "Awww" factor. Trust me, I know about squeezable cheeks.

And Ace, you are so hot it doesn't matter to me WHAT you sing. Just show me your beautiful face, and I will forever fall in love. But in all seriousness (because American Idol is tres serious), that performance was white hot. WHITE HOT. How sexy were you, my love... ahhh yes. Second only to your first performance of "Father Figure." Yummy.

(The author would like to apologize for the lack of more thought provoking and interesting posts... but I truly cannot rise above social commentary as my brain cells are on reserve for cover letter writing and resume perfecting. Sorry.)

C'mon now

2006-03-07T09:33:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I know that my face is of the round variety. And I know I have "cute little chipmunk cheeks." I'm not daft. But now, I've taken my heart shaped face and turned it into something that really resembles nothing short of a marshmallow. I'm even scaring myself. Really.

Last night was red, itchy, blotchy flaky dryness.

Today, when my mom came in my room, she said, "Open your eyes, let me take a look." To which I replied, "umm, my eyes ARE open."

I'm swollen. Swollen shut. Swollen beyond recognition- even for me. The itchiness is a worry of the past, because now... NOW I cannot even see. I have to tilt my head up and look down, simply to see what's in front of me... kind of like Betsy when she had the dog bite and stitches up her eyelid. In comparison, there isn't much to complain about... but it does mean that I need to see my dermatologist, and I hate doctors, so this won't be fun.

Ugh. Let's pray it's not avian bird flu in hive form... or a reaction to seafood (no more sushi!)... or something really serious, like a make-up allergy.

Again, a picture would speak a thousand words... but until I figure out this pesky iBook... I'm all out.

Bright. Red. Splotches.

2006-03-06T15:07:00.000-05:00

Oh my god y'all, my face is a disaster. It's insane... Obviously, it's reacting to something: my new moisturizer (eww, i hate that word), my clean sheets (yep! changed 'em!), or general joblessness. Either way... it's itching like crazy, and the only relief I get is from the sweet, sweet touch of noxema. Which, coincidentally, is my mom's secret fountain of youth. So we have copious amounts readily available.

uuugh. I hate complaining so much about this... but it's consuming me as I cannot do anything except scratch, itch, and whine. Which, coincidentally, I was already tres good at.

(I'd post a truly unbelievable picture, but I don't know how to put pictures in my blog when using a MAC. d'oh.)

Ok, fine

2006-03-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

So I'll admit it. I watch American Idol, alright. I can't help it.

And tonight, my love... my big, long haired man, blew it.

ACE!?!?!?!?

What were you thinking? That song bugged.

Luckily, you're hot and more girls watch American Idol than dudes... so you'll definitely make it through.

I still love ya, and I'll fo' sho' be calling in for you.

Oh! Baby

2006-02-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

If I have one more godforsaken dream about having had a baby (a boy,
if you must know), I might lose my mind (what's left of it)! I don't
know what's with the baby-mania, but it's severely distressing my
normally peaceful and blissful slumbers.

It's always the same thing:

1. Molly goes to sleep
2. Molly sees odd looking baby boy in pram
3. Molly tries to walk away from said pram, but it follows her... magically
4. Molly tries to pawn him off on friends
5. Friends laugh at Molly and tell her that having a kid is "no biggie"
6. Molly gets mad at idiotic friends and says mean, hateful things
(like "bugger off, fuckwit!")
7. Molly runs into diet coke factory (what can I say... it is always
on my mind) and cries
8. Molly's mom comes in and tells her that she doesn't like her new bangs ("Molly-- your hair is all you have!!!")
9. David Foley (yes, you) and mom walk by and mention that
baby-raising ain't no thang.
10. Molly cries some more

And then, usually, after about 8 hours of this... I wake up, with
dried tears on my cheeks (no joke)... and wait about an hour for the
uncomfortable feeling that I'm forgetting something to go away. It's
a rough cycle.

What happened to those nights of lusty dreams... or at the very least-
when I achieve world domination?

sigh.

New Week

2006-02-26T21:26:00.000-05:00

New Week.
New Template.
New Molly.

Operation "Cheer Up Charlie" is now in full effect. I've decided that the only way I can get myself into a job I could potentially love in a city that I can potentially love is to love, love, LOVE everything I do from here on out.

I know my blog entries are way more interesting when they are angsty and bitchy. I feel quite confident that I have the bitchy niche all squared away. But now is time for something different (I type this now, but give me a week or two and the asshole will be back). I hope.

Anyway... step one: change blog template. I feel like it now reflects something a bit more cheerful and totally gives off the "I'm as cool as Fiona Apple, minus the complex and plus a whole lotta happy"... does it not?

Please see this previous entry for more information.

So, enjoy y'all. I know I will.

I'm Inspired!

2006-02-25T08:53:00.000-05:00

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

It's snowing in Baltimore...

2006-02-17T08:51:00.000-05:00

... rather, it snowed in Baltimore. On Sunday. But there were 15 inches at my house (which is HUGE for us) and so I wanted to share some lurvly pictures with all.

Let us begin with Ebbitt dressing for the occasion. See how he smiles, turns the head, and poses? Extends his neck because he knows he has a short one? Hides his arse because he knows it's a tad too bootylicious? Stares the camera in the eyes because he knows that his profile is NOT his best shot? Yeah... He's obsessed with America's Next Top Model- and it shows... that dog has Tivo'd every damn VH1 re-run. He's a mess.

Moving on... Ebbitt and Bailey, my mom's "Yorkachon"-- Bichon Frise & Yorkshire Terrier Mix, loved the snow... but had little idea what to do with it all.

When all else fails... pose. So that is what my babies did. In their new, handmade sweaters.

Obviously, this turned into a fashion editorial on my dogs rather than "Snow in Baltimore" as was originally intended... but c'est la vie.

I'm bored, unemployed, and obsessed with my dogs. I'm more than 1/2 way to a solitary life of a singleton with copoius canines to keep me company. Thank GOD I'm allergic to the devil's pet (read: CATS) because that's taking the cliche one step too far.

The Expensive Lesbian

2006-02-11T15:17:00.000-05:00

Alright, so the idea isn't totally original, as in, I did not invent it, but hear me out. I AM THE ORIGINAL EXPENSIVE LESBIAN. To get some historical context of that which I mean, please read the passage below:

"Going home for the holidays in college is simultaneously a curse and a blessing. You see, in college you begin to learn that your parents are mostly right about everything they have ever told you. You no longer hate them with the fervor you did in high school. Which is fine, except that now you are wrong more often that ever before. Also, going home for the holidays generally involves several unpleasant conversations about money (you spend too much of it) and boyfriends (you don't have one). Which then leads your parents to believe that you are an expensive lesbian." ~ "Chloe does Yale" by Natalie Krinsky (thanks Pizz for this free-bee book!)

Now, I never promised to only ready upper-brow literature. A girl has to let loose and enjoy life sometimes, you know? Anyway... what an interesting idea. An expensive lesbian. This is me.

Due to a long and consistent distrust of men and distaste for vulnerability, I haven't dated anyone in, oh... 3 years (give or take some days, weeks and/or months and depending on what constitutes "dating") ?!??!?!?!? No wonder my parents are skeptical as to my preferences. And, thanks to Liefeld and Krema, those pictures from ONE NIGHT of my senior year didn't help. And, given my love of quitting jobs without backups in the hopper, or choosing jobs that have ending dates, I have been known to need to occasional injection of cash flow from my parents to pay health insurance. So, yeah, I'm one hell of an expensive lesbian.

So now, when people ask me, "Hey! Have a job yet? Have a boyfriend? Are you looking?"-- I can say, with confidence and gusto: "Naw man, I'm just the original expensive lesbian. That takes up, well, the majority of my time."

How to say "I love you" in 25 languages

2006-02-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

English
I Love You

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Thai
Phom rak khun

Italian
Ti amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama
Arkansas
Kansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Missouri
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
parts of Florida

Nice Ass , Get in the truck

"America is Addicted to Oil" (uh, duh)

2006-01-31T22:40:00.000-05:00

A MEMO

TO: all those it may concern
FR: one, molly wynne jackson
RE: oh lawd, what ISN'T this memo about
DT: january 31, 2006
______________________________________

Good Evening All,

I'd like to interrupt your viewing of the State of the Union, or SOTU as it will here-to-after be referred, and give you a lil bit of an update on the life and times of molly j. Those who know me know that I heart politics: It's my bread and butter, rather... it WAS my bread and butter. One day, soon I hope, it will again. I'd even settle for some crust and water for now... but I digress. So here I go... Here are some thoughts I've had since, oh, we won the election (!) in November. Sorry it's been so long. But we just got internet in the Jackson household so I'm only now rejoining the world I was once a part of.

SOTU: I tried to stay away, but the addict in me couldn't stay away. So here I sit. While the audience predictably sits and stands in partisan fashion, depending on which blaspheme el Presidente decides to project, I take a fancy in those rebellious SCOTUS judges (Supreme Court of the United States) who remained seated until mention of Sandra Day O'Connor. I mean, really. Alito- you just got confirmed... stand up, and salute your Maker. Jeez.

One of my favorite highlights: Our dear Prez says, "There are fewer abortions in America than at any point in the last three decades, and the number of children born to teenage mothers has been falling for a dozen years in a row." Yes, and that's certainly because Bushie is making damn sure that he fills our courts with activist judges, and not-so-quietly chipping away at our freedom to choose what is right for us. I'm so sure that available contraception, safe sex education (read: condoms, EC, etc.) and family planning programs has had NOTHING to do with that.

I hate him.

In other news, Anderson Cooper is hot.

MY BIRTHDAY: While tradition dictates that one must age a year on their date of birth, I took matters into my own hands and postponed celebration until July 28th. At the 6 month mark, I shall be ready to partake in drinking, eating, partying, and other festive activities. But, until then, I thank those that remembered my birthday. I have the most kick-ass friends ever.

MY "LIFE": I'm still chillin' in the Merry Land (read: Maryland) taking care of disasters, sick friends and family, and the sudden onset of the 24-hour flu every three days-- all the while, simultaneously trying to figure out my own disaster, AKA my life. Ahhh, the diary of a quarter life crisis girl.

I miss my friends so much. So much. So, so, so, so much... And now... we all live, well, all over the place... so that makes it
difficult for a reunion tour. But I'm working on it. Te promeso ( I promise).

MY INNER-MOST THOUGHTS & DESIRES: I still like dark chocolate. I still like dark men, I think (it's been a while). I'm still obsessed with West Wing and am sorry to see the cancellation as well as the sudden death of John Spencer, AKA Leo McGarry (Meryl, what will we do?). I still desire Chipotle burritos on a daily basis. And one day, I'd still like to own a house. So, as you can read, things are pretty much the same with me.

I guess that's it. I'm going to go now and drown my sorrows in red wine, "Are Men Necessary", and some cheese. Don't ask.

Best,
The Little Rino

P.S. Does one still have to subscribe to the GOP to maintain RINO status... or do I need a new blog name? Just checking, as no formal "switching of party affiliations" has occurred.

Victory IS Sweet, y'all

2005-11-10T11:04:00.000-05:00

To my friends,

I need thank y'all so much for all of your help, support, kind words, motivation, well wishes and enthusiasm. I seriously do not know what I would have done without it. Seriously. I'm still recouping and regrouping and dealing with the outcome (we won by 42 votes... which has yet to be certified)... but I promise I will call/reply to emails soon.

So basically, on Tuesday Night, we won by 44 votes. Because, clearly, I had to go for the most dramatic win EVER.

And it was great. Really it was. And so I celebrated. And here is how:
1 Margarita on the Rocks
1 Frozen Margarita
2 dark beers of unknown origin
2, yes TWO, bottles of champagne: consumed straight out of the bottle, which I was chugging away at ALL NIGHT.

So yeah- a little bit hungover was I.

Which wasn't good... because we needed to canvass the votes in the AM. This had to be done because:
1. Mr. Marrs did NOT call to concede the election
2. We only won with 44 votes

Oops- I wish I'd known that I had to be a meeting in "east jeebus" the next morning at 8am. Otherwise, I would have said "no" to the alcohol and "yes" to diet coke. Details.

So... I woke at 6, threw up a couple of times for good measure, got showered and dressed, and played tired for my drive with the Mr. to Chesterfield County. Neat-o.

Their office was hot and sweaty and had no AC. It was my own personal hell. And we had to watch as the board went through each of the 106 precincts (of which we only had 11 of) and watch them verify the numbers and count the provisional ballots. It's good to see that they follow form and regulation, but not so good when you just want to ralph anytime anyone says anything to you. Which, by the way, happened a lot.

Good thing I wasn't puking in the bathroom of the registrar's office or anything. That would have been embarrassing. Thank GOD for the 'Wint-o-mints' I brought with me. They were, of course, my saving grace. Per usual.

At the end of the day, once the votes were canvassed in both Richmond City and Chesterfield County, we held on to our lead with a 42 vote differential. Phew.

So now, we wait. We wait for the State Board of Elections to certify the results (by Nov. 23rd). We wait for the inevitability of Brad Marrs demanding a recount. And we wait until that is completed. We wait because when you kick Republican Right Wing Ass (as dear Ali so eloquently put it), you want to make damn sure that we jumped through all the hops and did this thing the right way... Which we did.

And now, dear friends, I will retire for this evening... but I do look forward to seeing all of you soon! Thank y'all again for everything you did to help me through this process. I couldn't have survived without your support.

loving life,
~molly "cj cregg" jackson

Katie and Tom make me want to Vomit

2005-11-03T19:17:00.000-05:00

**Unless Katie Holmes was dressed up as a Scientology war bride or a thetan incubator, she didn’t appear to be in costume at a Hollywood Starbucks on Halloween. The internal spawn was barely visible, and, though her baby shall be born unto silence, she ordered a caffeinated drink. She can’t talk to her belly or enjoy an epidural, but she can drink caffeine? Then, proving that she is truly depraved, she had the audacity to top her soy pumpkin spice latte with whip cream. Not only is the mock-pumpkin beverage totally plebeian, but the mixing of soy and dairy is plainly tacky, crass even. Doesn’t she know that all the real Scientologists drink Americanos? Bitch needs some auditing.**

http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/sightings/hollywood-privacywatch-katie-holmes-endangers-miracle-baby-with-street-drugs-134875.php

(Non ho scritto questo, ma ho riso.)

I'm an extraordinary machine

2005-11-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Fiona Apple's new CD is outstanding. She deserves a round of applause- golf claps, at the very least.

The title song, "Extraordinary Machine" makes so much sense to me, it's frightening. I cannot stop singing it, and I know it's pissing my office mates off.

"If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine."

Delicious. She's a golden delicious, that one.

I also very much enjoy the artwork... it's a peapod, no? I dunno... I guess it's just the pre-election delirium everyone speaks of that is making me gush over Fiona Apple. I wonder what the post-election depression will be like?

Hey Ladies...

2005-10-31T13:12:00.000-05:00

Say Ciao to our rights...it was nice knowing you, all of you... but alas- the man below will take you away from us.

(picture of Judge Samuel "Scalito" Alito, courtesy of The New York Times & Doug Mills)

Oh, and Happy Halloween. Ironic, "Scalito" gets appointed on the scariest day of the year. If only it were April Fool's Day.

An apple is an apple is an apple

2005-10-28T21:24:00.000-05:00

Produce, of the fresh variety, is really not all that rare. I mean, does anyone out there really think it is? Turns out, the answer is yes: My Mom.

My mom, bless her little mushroom head and lovely naive heart, does not seem to comprehend that there are grocery stores in Richmond, let alone any locale outside of the baltimore-washington metropolitan area. You'd think, from her actions, that the rest of the world went around hunting and gathering their food nightly- only to use the hides of said food to make coats, hats, and chinchilla shawls. Ahh, Carol.

Anyway... when Betsy and Meredith came down souf to visit me and to take my little Ebbitt away to my mom's house *more on that later*, my mom sent them with BAGS and BAGS of groceries. Like, what? Apparently, I cannot purchase Diet Coke, lettuce, egg beaters, frozen spinach and apples in Richmond. Apparently, my mommy still needs to buy my groceries. Apparently, I'm the only 25-year-old-girl who can't manage the task of locating and buying said groceries. Apparently, I'm not able to do much else for myself besides work, work, work, whine, complain, work, work, and work.

Apparently, molly is in a bad mood.

So yeah- she stocks me up with produce, which is great, and really, how could I dare complain about a loving mother who understands her daughter's demanding work-life and simply wants her to remain nourished? I can't, and I shouldn't, so I won't. Anymore.

And this brings me to Ebbitt. Betsy and Meredith stole him, no joke. Don't let them tell you anything differently. Because they are lying liars and they stole my dog. And all of his clothes, food, toys, and bedding. (yes, he has his own doggie bedding)

Ok, they didn't. But it felt like they did, and from the "water-works" performance I put on when it was time for them to leave, you would have thought they did. Seriously. Having a dog is like having a kid, and having your kid taken away from you -if even for only 3 weeks- is an awfully difficult thing to weather. And I did NOT handle it like a champ. Nope, not one bit.

I cried and carried on like a mad woman... and felt awful. Like the worst person on the planet. THE WORST.

Turns out, Mr. Ebbitt is doing just fine in Baltimore. He goes to work with my mom and is held and petted all day by women with Alzheimer's and Parkinsons... And every now and then, my mom will hear them saying, "Well, aren't you a pretty little dog. But your face is smashed in. I wonder if that hurts?"

After work, Ebbitt is free to run around the back yard, and gets fed at regular intervals, and sleeps in the comfort of a king sized bed. The dog- is fine.

It's just me that misses him... turribly :(

So today, in the mail, I got a package from Ebbitt (natch)... and in it were some apples and apple cider... because, say it with me folks, they OBVIOUSLY don't have produce in Richmond.

The End.

Jesus Hates the Yankees

2005-10-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Well, obviously.

*funny, she says*

Miss Maryland

2005-09-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, so... 9th Grade at St. Paul's School for Girls means many things: our uniform now consists of skirts AND jumpers (score!), we finally have classes with boys (foreign language and some sciences), coordinated musicals/dramas, and Spirit Dances. Really tres exciting (insert tongue in cheek).

9th grade also meant geometry. And for molly- geometry was not a good thing. I believe I've already sufficiently established my aversion to the world of sciences, but math was never a problem for me. Much.

BUT- geometry, not my bag, baby. Theorems? Proofs? Huh? I couldn't fathom it. Too abstract. Too unnecessary, it seemed to me, to prove something that has already been proven. I didn't want to create theories, I just wanted to solve problems. And geometry didn't let me do that.

So... is it my fault that I was a little distracted in class? I'll accept minimal responsibility. But only minimal, because I had a crazy ass teacher... one LuAnn Blackman. And SHE. HATED. ME. Not sure why.

Mrs. Blackman had a "thing" about throwing objects: specifically sharpish objects- pens, pencils, those little things that you use to draw perfect circles (see- i told you i hated geometry), chalk ...you get the picture. Friend and fellow geometry classmate Lib had this to say, which beautifully sums up the situation:

"Do you guys remember how she would always freak about eye injuries that could possibly be inflicted by projectiles including pens and chalk because her husband worked at the eye clinic. And we always assumed he was a doctor but then it turned out he was in administration and she was just a freak? Ah the good old days."

Yes, Mrs. Blackman was a weird little lady. You couldn't toss a girl a can of Diet Coke without "the lecture." Well, like Lib mentioned, I once got kicked out of Geometry for tossing a pencil- TOSSING A PENCIL- a dull one, at that, to Marcela freshman year. I received the same lecture as described, only since Marcela was her prized pupil, you'd have thought I sacrificed the Christ Child. Holy Jeebus!

In fact, now that I think of it, Mrs. Blackman hated me just as much as she hated Pallavi... only she didn't like Pallavi due to lack of geometric skills, and me because I almost took out her star pupil. But I'm over it, clearly.

Imagine my surprise when my friend Allyson sent THIS ARTICLE around our SPSG email group.

Miss Maryland Eh? Incredible. Must have been some STIFF competition. And I can say I knew her when... Silly pageantry.

I hope this is as amusing to all of you faithful readers as it is to me. But if not, well, at least I gave you one thing more to read today, no?

Be smart, be good, and don't throw anything sharp because you may poke someone's eye out and fail geometry.

Saved By The Bell

2005-09-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

Someday, I'll write my own material. Until then, I give you this (courtesy of my friend THE SPORTS GUY on ESPN.com Page 2). He answers questions that fans of his page write in and ask, and answers them... for all to see. Hilarity ensues:

Q: Please help settle a long-standing debate a friend and I have going. How far did Zack Morris get with Kelly Kapowski?-- Jonathan Chavez, Cambridge, Mass.

Sports Guy: I was thinking about bothering my new ESPN colleague Mario Lopez with this one (sorry, I just had to see how that looked in print) before deciding to take this one myself. I don't think Zack sealed the deal until the "College Years" ... and that show never happened. So I'm going with third base. And I mean "third base" in the context of when the show happened (the early-'90s), not what "third base" means now, which is probably something like "a threesome that isn't videotaped."

Q: Hey Bill, if you submitted your East Coast fantasy rosters to Vegas, do you think they would post odds on your league champion? If I could get +500 or better on Wyman's team, I think I'd take it. I also think I might have a gambling problem.-- Chris M., Bowmanville, Ontario

Sports Guy: In your defense, you live in Bowmanville, Ontario.

Q: I've never heard anyone ever speak of this, but don't you think Forrest Gump would have gotten HIV from Jenny? Or what about Forrest Jr.? I mean, she obviously died of AIDS, with the drugs, needles, orgies and what have you. Do you think either of them got tested? Or maybe he was just so blessed it somehow avoided them. But let's not deny the fact that Forrest Gump had unprotected sex with Jenny while she had HIV. -- Brian G., Quincy, Mass.

SG: Wait a second ... that was your biggest issue with Forrest Gump? What about the scene when he ran back and forth across the country for 18 months, and we never found out how he ate, slept or went to the bathroom? You were fine with that sequence, but you're demanding a Forrest Gump HIV test?

CLICK HERE to read the entire article.

molly j: cartoon style

2005-09-21T14:28:00.000-05:00

Good Golly

2005-09-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

It has been called to my attention that I have been spending and inordinate amount of time working, and not nearly enough time blogging. In lieu of said outcry, I will do my best to remedy this gross injustice lest it completely destroy my life's work of finding, making, keeping and finally entertaining friends. That would be bad.

Therefore, welcome to the list of things I miss. Yes- I know that all I seem to do on this blog of mine is harp on (1) what sucks, (2) what I hate, (3) what I miss, (4) what pisses me off... etc., etc. But, If I were to compose an entire blog filled with rainbows, sunshine and butterflies, y'all would be out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Misery loves company, but more importantly, I'm funnier when pissed off. Which is why I try to remain bitchy and incorrigible 99% of the time (and also why I like to pick fights with my male friends).

Anyway, without further adieu:

THINGS MOLLY J. MISSES:
I Miss...

... my loss of innocence: circa 1996 (yes girls, it's true- sleeping with him won't make him stay any longer)

... the days when i didn't realize diet coke was rotting my teeth and "ulcering" my stomach (note to friends: ulcer #2 has arrived)

... steamed crabs, the way only Maryland can do it (a whole summer, and not a steamed crab in sight. disgraceful)

... mildly-homeless Eddie (Man, our homeless guy back in DC really knew how to crash a party.)

... the idealism of myself in 1998 ("I know! I'll major in International Affairs and SAVE the World!")

... performing in dinner-theater musicals (dorky: of course, but soul satisfying: you betcha)

Perhaps there is more, but really, I do need to get back to it.

Drop me a line, write me a poem, sing me a song... just keep me informed. And don't take it personally- my cell phone has not been entertaining phone calls for a good long while now. Perhaps I'll dust her off when this madness is over.

*mwah*

totally un-original

2005-09-13T15:26:00.000-05:00

I didn't write this, but I did laugh a mighty laugh. I miss Hotline... as I miss DC and miss being able to engage in intelligent political discussions. The key word, of course, being intelligent.

Anyway... please enjoy:

TOP TEN QUESTIONS FOR THE JOHN ROBERTS HEARING
As submitted by Hotline reader John Barnes

10. Charles Shumer(D-NY): Could you move a little to the left? You're blocking the TV camera's view of me.

9. Orrin Hatch(R-UT): You say you really like my country music tunes. But do you really, really like them?

8. Richard Durbin(D-IL): Could you help me with a Nazi analogy to describe your previous views?

7. Jeff Sessions(R-AL): Why the heck do you deserve to get confirmed when my confirmation got slammed and now I'm stuck up here with these clowns?

6. Arlen Specter(R-PA): Have you studied Scottish law?

5. Edward Kennedy(D-MA): Where are my pants?

4. Patrick Leahy(D-VT): The Joker, The Riddler and Mr. Freeze -- who's ass do you think Batman would kick quicker?

3. Tom Coburn(R-OK): What are your views of doctors practicing medicine while serving in legislative bodies... say, the Senate for example?

2. Herbert Kohl(D-WI): Who am I? Why am I here?

1. Charles Shumer(D-NY): Now could you lower your head a bit? Thanks. Much better.

Does FEMA Director Mike Brown have an "Office" Complex?

2005-09-10T19:43:00.000-05:00

PJ was right, Katrina IS a bitch.**

"I'm assistant regional manager."
"Assistant to the regional manager."
Gareth and David – "The Office" (UK version, Series 1, Episode 1)

Bush administration documents have credited Brown with overseeing emergency services while working for the city of Edmond, Okla., in the mid-1970s. Brown's official biography on the FEMA Web site says he served as "an assistant city manager." But a former mayor of Edmond, Randel Shadid, told AP on Friday that Brown had been an assistant to the city manager — never assistant city manager.

** Production and Design rights belong to Timmy-Tim-Tim Fullerton, AKA "That Guy from Maine"

Colonial Williamsburg

2005-09-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

Hold on to your hats, kids, because I have some big news...(Stephanie, you, in particular, will appreciate this):

I just met the creator, the inventor, the designer... of the COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG font (among others, but I forgot the others... natch)!!!!!

I know, I know... y'all are jealous, but I don't need no hateration, so back up off me.

Amazing what living in the South will do to a girl... getting EXCITED over FONTS and their CREATORS. I'm going to need some massive brain-washing to bring me back to my Yankee roots. I'm looking forward to it.

kisses, hugs & burritos with lots of guacamole and hot sauce,
~mj

**THIS JUST IN: I just remember that he also mentioned he created the Sam & Libby logo... white hot, isn't it?

A Star Is Born

2005-09-01T08:12:00.000-05:00

As some of you likely know, I may or may not have recently decided to hate a former role model/inspiration of mine. When anyone has his/her idealism shattered, it's not an easy thing to digest. Believe me. I know.

However, today I have located a new role model... may I present Susan F. Wood, former assistant FDA commissioner for women's health and director of the Office of Women's Health.

(Photo Credit: By Lucian Perkins -- The Washington Post)

The Washington Post quotes Wood: "I can no longer serve as staff when scientific and clinical evidence, fully evaluated and recommended for approval by the professional staff here, has been overruled," she wrote in an e-mail to her staff and FDA colleagues.

Damn straight girl! I love it when women stand tall and rise up against what is morally wrong and corrupt! It's so inspiring...

I may know nothing about science- except that it bores me- but I do know this: Politics has NO PLACE in science.

Thank you, and Happy September y'all!

stealing is the sincerest form of flattery

2005-08-26T11:35:00.000-05:00

I stole this from another blog: It's Recess-time . I found THAT blog when reading the Wonkette... so I cannot claim responsibility. Suck.

<-- "A member of the 36% that still support George Bush."

Because by "morans" he meant "morons"... obvy.

I miss my blue state :(

Ok, WHO SAYS THAT ???

2005-08-25T19:12:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry, but when you answer a phone in an OFFICE, please refrain from saying "Howdy" as your greeting of choice.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Cap Lounge's Keg is Tapped, Part II

2005-08-25T11:14:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post

el sur, il sud, der Süden, les sud

2005-08-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

(this was sent to me a while ago, and i feel as though now is the time to share.)

"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States