Friday, August 26, 2005

stealing is the sincerest form of flattery

I stole this from another blog: It's Recess-time . I found THAT blog when reading the Wonkette... so I cannot claim responsibility. Suck.



<-- "A member of the 36% that still support George Bush."

Because by "morans" he meant "morons"... obvy.


I miss my blue state :(

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Ok, WHO SAYS THAT ???

I'm sorry, but when you answer a phone in an OFFICE, please refrain from saying "Howdy" as your greeting of choice.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Cap Lounge's Keg is Tapped, Part II

The Washington Post

el sur, il sud, der Süden, les sud

(this was sent to me a while ago, and i feel as though now is the time to share.)

"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

R.I.P. Capitol Lounge


Dearly Beloved,

We gather here to say our goodbyes... for I've recently received news from a variety of reliable sources (AKA: the Red Sox Nation- DC Style & a couple of Senate Offices) that the Hill's "Capitol Lounge" (AKA: Cap Lounge) done burned down last night.

Sob. I know.

I can't really find any news on this, but I trust underpaid and unloved staffers far more than the news media anyway... who doesn't??

Thanks for the memories...


P.S. Courtesy of Jenn Stan:

CAPITOL LOUNGE HAIKU . . . Wednesday . . . 8/24/2005 . . . 4 pm
The following haiku were submitted by readers in memory of Capitol Lounge, which burned down today.

No Miller Lite here
One Last Cap Lounge hangover
Tears in the toilet.

Foccacia Buns
Exposed wires and taco juice
I'll name my daughter Amber.

He plays Journey
She pukes in ghetto bathroom
They smoke in vinyl booths.

He sinks the eight ball
He becomes belligerent
He slurs his speech.

One more for Simon
My short Irish Bartender
My beer tastes like tears.

Hawk and Dove, you suck
Tortilla Coast, Bullfeathers
Just not the same bar.

Wanna do a shot?
I said to Nixon poster
Oh man, I'm that drunk.

All crooked pool cues
Do you have work tommorrow?
Big Amber headache.

Taco Night or Wings
Where did all my cigs get to?
Cat slept in my mouth?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Assasination: the CHRISTIAN thing to do


Please, someone, elect this man President of the Free World--> for he CLEARLY speaks for... erm, only himself.

There's nothing like facing a daunting day of hard-work to the sound of the religious right sharpening their knives and readying their pistols... all in the name of assasination: the Christian thing to do.

Surely I jest? Oh, but I wish I was.

However, I'm sure Jesus would fire the gun himself, now wouldn't he? Because even Jeebus hates Venezuela for being "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."- Pat Robertson, The Washington Post

Well- God save the oil! Damn, Gina (see below):

Ooh, and two interesting tidbits: (1) Robertson is from VIRGINIA. Go figure. (2) I always thought that little bugger looked a smidge like GWBush- who's with me?

the AMERICAN dream (?)

IT'S OFFICIAL: I hereby proclaim that I am going to sleep with everyone/anyone in the who's who of the District's directory in order to amount lots of cash, bling, cheese and icing-- not to mention more gossip than the Wonkette would know what to do with...

All so that I can, one day, write a book and sell my rights to HBO for a TV Series.

What am I all a twither about? Here's a hint -->

That's right: Sex in the Senate and New York Magazine

You gotta love a nation where whoring one's self out equates mad success. And to think, I used to heart SJP... this will make me rethink said devotion (stop smiling JW... I know you told me so). I mean, I'll defend Sex and the City until the day I die... but this story was/should be nothing more than local hill gossip... to extend no further than the banks of the Potomac.

The End.

P.S. Why am I so obsessed?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

I seriously cannot get that song out of my head. Seriously... no, SERIOUSLY.

Which is funny because I do love the song- and I always have- but they lyrics... OMG. I know they are tongue-in-cheek, but sheesh. I think women have a tad more to look forward than "I will wash the dishes while you go have a beer"... don't you?

Let's suspend reality for a second and dissect this... WHAT IF this is all I had to look forward to? I mean, then I would have to resign myself to being swept off my feet by the "man of my dreams", only to be swept deep into a monotony of sweeping floors... followed closely by watching children, washing dishes and coffee making bullshit. Sounds just fine... if only my "John Wayne" wasn't out drinking beer and rollin' with his homies. No thanks.

That's why I like Paula Cole so much... she says what Tori and Fiona say, to an equally effective extent... only Paula can SING. She's hardcore... and her lyrics. They are incredibly profound. To me, anyway... Am I the only one who appreciates? I don't think I've ever explored this topic with any of my friends.

Per ejemplo:
"Call me a bitch in heat and I'll call you a liar and we'll both be throwing stones until we're dead" ~ Throwing Stones

With that said, please check out "This Fire" by Paula Cole... I had forgotten how brilliant I thought it was when I first heard it, and it gets better and better the older and wiser I become. Natch.

P.S. This post means nothing, my comments mean nothing- save the fact that I did not sleep last night and I'm v. annoyed that I must work right now. And by work, I mean blog.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

location, location, location

I'm trying to focus on the good and forget about the bad. I really am. In fact, were y'all here... you'd give me an "A" for effort- I'm sure of it. But you're not here, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Until I moved to Richmond, I had no idea how badly I, or people as a whole, generalize people based on where they are from. I mean- to know me is to know I loathe Pittsburgh. That is not a secret. But I'm fairly certain that everyone has at least one city that they detest.

Going to school in DC has done much to mask this problem... GW was and is a veritable melting pot of cultures, religions, sexualities, ethnicities, values and backgrounds and it was amazing, but that is beside the point. The point is when an individual is submerged in the raw energy of all GW has to offer... and then that energy is compounded by the "anywhere but here" energy of DC and all of its "come heres"... well, it's easy to forget how much we generalize.

Enter Richmond.

Ever since I came down here, I've struggled to realize why I just can't ever feel at ease... and now it's so obv. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner... I'M IN THE SOUTH. People here are slow and laid back and friendly and polite and happy-go-lucky... and even if they aren't- you'd never know it because of the laid back attitude. And see... I'm JUST NOT LIKE THAT. I mean- I'm so obviously just not like that...

In DC, I was par for the course... neither too anxious nor too laid back- I was the norm. I'm used to people being pushy, rude, overbearing, in your face, and generally abrasive. I can work with that. But here, people and just too damn friendly for their own good. And that's just plain weird. And unsettling.

I mean... how does anyone get anything done?!?!?

In summation- I will learn to embrace my northern way of thinking/acting/being and just wait patiently until I can return home sweet home: where no one trusts anyone and where a girl can just be left alone to be who she is: neuroses (sp)and all.

Love,
~molly

P.S. And for the love of god-- could you please tell the landscapers in my Apartment complex to lay off the lawnmowers until, oh I don't know, AT LEAST 8 AM!??!?!?! It's a Saturday for Christ's sake. Holy Jeebus. (I apologize for the religious blasphemes but they are particularly relevant right now)

Friday, August 12, 2005

pringles

A good friend of mine recently had the following to say:
"Once you pop, you can't stop."

Granted- it comes from a Pringles commercial... but kudos to you, Pizzle Jizzle, for summing up what we are all feeling. I think that statement largely sums up life, in so many ways. I'm going to make it my new catch phrase... For instance:

**************************************************
Girl #1: Hey molly- why the long face.

Molly: Well, no reason really. I've just had an enormously complicated day full of unbelievably stupid people who continue to feel as though I might possibly care about their erroneous existence. Complicate that with the fact that the HQ is like a damn icebox, the phone is ringing off the hook, it's 115 degrees outside and climbing, and my two favorite interns just had their last day... and add to it the fact that I have a white hot Friday night planned of going to the grocery and walking my dog... well yeah, i'm a little long in the face.

Girl #2: Damn Girl. Once you pop, you can't stop.
**************************************************
I rest my case.

This should catch on in no time.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Marrs Attacks!

I know I haven't written any feminist diatribes lately- something I'm sure y'all appreciate- and I know that things have been quiet from your favorite Yankee in Confederate clothing (Yankee as in Northerner... NOT that sucka baseball team), but there is good reason. My "day job" just got interesting.

And by interesting, I mean incredibly exciting.

Send me an email: mollywynne@gmail.com if you want a press sheet to update our status... it's truly out of this world unbelievable.

I wish I could elaborate, but unfortunately I must remain mum. But here's a hint... it has to do with him-->

But do check out our website, courtesy of Tim Fullerton- with a shout out to Ox Krema- for more information:
www.katherinewaddell.com

Diet Coke Count: 36 ounces. But it's ok. I'm fine with it. And my headaches are QUITE so bad.

Coffee Count: 1 venti Red Eye (coffee with double shot of espresso) plus some chocolate covered espresso beans.

Music: Massive Attack. Because it's raining and I'm caffeinated and paranoid. Best. Combination. Ever.

Ebbitt's Update: He's not pleased with me. He's alone all day, and sad and mad and it makes my heart break. But that's another story for another day.